My yesterday...

Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had my new curtains delivered and hung in the kitchen. My ‘adopted’ mom can sew and well she made me some patriotic curtains to match my kitchen. They look awesome. I asked her when she is going to teach me to sew and for some reason she just laughs. So I take that as a negative. Hmm…

In the afternoon I had to go and interview different in-home childcare providers. I think I might have found the one that I will trust to watch my kids while I am working. Unfortunately it is not in my home and it’s not a man. Hmm…I could dream, right? Honestly I really liked what I seen at this person’s house and I liked the structure and schedule that she has to run her childcare. Now I just got see what the kids think of her when they start over there. I always say it is a ‘trial basis’ until the kids tell me their opinions of the care they receive. My kids are older and I can trust their input.

After that I had to run around town and get some shopping and errands done. I usually love to shop but for some reason I didn’t yesterday.

I ran over to my ‘adopted’ mom’s house because I was going to borrow their shop vac. While I was there I filled out the mounds of paperwork associated with a new daycare provider. We chatted and I ended up coming home.

I talked to my kids when I got home and told them all about their ‘trial’ childcare. They are excited to come home. Thankfully; I was beginning to think they would never miss home. It was great to hear. Only a few more weeks and I can’t wait. In fact my ‘adopted’ mom offered to drive me to meet the kids at the halfway point of Guthrie Center to get the kids. She must be missing them too. I can’t commit myself to that because I might be working that day.

After I talked to my kids I strung the weed eater and decided I would weed eat ‘later’. Yup, at times I am a procrastinator.

I came inside and fell asleep around 8:30. I must have been tired. I know that I woke up on occasion during the night but honestly I slept almost 11 hours. That is about 5 hours more than normal. I must have needed it.

Tomorrow my ‘adopted’ family is going to the casino about an hour and twenty minutes from here and they want me to go. You see gambling is a weakness for me and I would love to go but I had to decline the offer beings I have an all day meeting tomorrow at the hospital.

I can’t believe I just wrote about nothing. I really haven’t had anything exciting happen in the last day or two. Knock-on-wood! I don’t want to jinx myself.

Oh, I guess I can say that my first ex-husband called me and said “Is this Heather.” I reply “Yes. Who the hell is this?” “Keith” he mumbled back. It was definitely one of those moments you dread; my stomach was clenched. He talked very nice and apologized for not being there to help with Tiana. I didn’t say much but I was thinking oh yeah, the decade that you weren’t here.

See in my previous post I stated something like forgiveness was hard for me, more so if it is to forgive myself. Now this is the exception to that. Is it possible to forgive this man? I don’t know. I really don’t know if I want to. Now 2 months ago I would have been saying well he might have changed, just wait and see. Today I don’t want to look for the good in people anymore. I know that sounds crazy but I feel like I have been taken advantage of too many times or walked on because I tried to ‘understand’ everyone. I guess this one he is going to have to prove that he is worthy to see my daughter. He can’t expect a big welcome; he is a stranger in her life.