Sometimes I even surprise myself

I think I want another baby. Yup, you read that right. Now, I’m not saying I am going to have another baby. First off let’s rationalize this:

I have three wonderful kids. My oldest 10 ½, my middle 8 ½, and my youngest will be 7 in a few weeks. Why in the world would I give up the little freedom I get when they are in school?

Next, I am not even dating anyone, so there is no possibility of getting pregnant. I don’t want to date someone to get pregnant. There will be no accidents here.

I have a three bedroom house. I don’t have another room for a baby. That is unless I want to add on or move, but neither are an option to me right now.

I am working two jobs and attending school, well at least the clinical portion this term. I have too much on my plate right now so why in the heck would I want to add to it?

See after rationalizing all the above and more, I do completely and competently understand that I do not need another baby, however, I never stated that I needed another baby just that I wanted another baby. There is a difference between the two statements.

Now I sit and wonder what it is about a baby that I want so desperately; I can make a list a mile long.

No, I am not going to run out and get pregnant. In fact, I am pretty sure I will not have another baby. I do, however, think I might look into foster care or even the big brother big sister programs. Now saying that, it won’t be in my near future beings I have my three kids that I need to take care of first and foremost.

Sometimes I even surprise myself with the thoughts that go through my head.

This is not something that I woke up and said to myself this morning; this is something that I have been thinking for a good year. I just wanted to see it in writing.

It is complicated how your emotional side can yearn for something that your intellectual side knows isn’t the best, if it is for the time or situation or whatever it might be.