Do you have days where you want to close your eyes, spread out your arms, and just spin in circles? I do. And today is one of those days. I want to forget about being a grown-up. I want to disregard all responsibilities. I, today, want to be free. Free of all thoughts...
But than I open my eyes, reality hits, and the thoughts come flooding through.
I want to scream off a rooftop. I want the whole world to know that I’m losing myself…who I am. Than the rational, responsible side of me takes over. I’m me, nothing more and nothing less.
I don’t know why I passionately want to be something else than what I am. I like me; I am a good person and I have a kind heart. But I fantasize about being someone else just to be different than whom I am.
How would my life differ if I was not passive but I was aggresive? What if I wasn't patient and understanding? How about if I was outspoken or argumentative?
Hmm..just a little thought...would I be happier?
2 comments:
I get overwhelmed sometimes with my regular job and the 2 night race weekends, and sometimes wish I could be free for a day but then I realize how privileged I am to be able to do something that I enjoy so much and that puts it all back in perspective for me. The races are my purpose in life, not the sweatshop that I call work LOL. At work, I am just another jackass, but at the races, it is different. I am actually somebody there. Wow, I went of the tracks, have to stick to the question LOL.
I have asked the question what if many times in life but I never get an answer that I like. I like to think that I am living right, and if I keep living right, something good will happen sooner or later to me. I still believe, but not as much as I used to, that everything happens for a reason.
No, go ahead stray from the question I truly don't mind. :)
Like I have said before you are blessed that you get to do what you enjoy. We have all been there doing that job that we hate, and you still do it. But I am very happy that you get to something you enjoy. Somewhere where you mean something...like you stated you are somebody there. It kinda makes it easier to do that crappy job...well maybe. :)
I am at that point where I don't like any answers that I get. I don't want to hear that everything happens for a reason...I call bullcrap. But I do believe that something good with eventually have to happen, right? ;)
I want to be somebody. Just got to find my destiny...I guess...
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