I woke up at 6:30 this morning with no alarm or any need to rush to get anywhere. It was serene.
I got up and turned my air-conditioner up—till it got real cold in here—propped my pillows on my headboard, climbed back into bed, covered up with my comforter, and finished the book I started on that stormy night. It was good. It has been a long time that I have finished a book. In fact it has been a long time that I did any sort of reading outside of my nursing books. I enjoyed it entirely.
Now it is after 1:30 in the afternoon and the only thing I have accomplished is giving myself hypothermia and the knowledge of who was behind the murders in the book I have just read. It is extremely cold in here. I actually finished the book a few hours ago but I laid in bed to think—to think in quiet. It was peaceful and I did get to review some of the thoughts and issues in my life without feeling ‘rushed’. I am thankful for today.
Other than that I have to wish James a Happy 40th Birthday! I truly hope that the rain has not ruined your Nascar Night. If it hasn’t—I expect some great pictures—ahem—Tony Stewart. Enjoy your birthday!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I don't like your voice...
I have heard many strange things in my life and I am positive I will hear many more—I can only hope. I love unusual comments and statements…more so when they are directed at someone else and not myself, but it does happen.
Today I was attending a group on social interactions. In this group we were handed a piece of paper and we needed to write our fears. I wrote down my most common fears:
I have a fear of the dark.
I have a fear of bridges.
I have a fear of worms.
I have a fear of losing a loved one.
I have a fear of talking in large groups.
I have a fear of failure.
Well you get the point.
Anyway, as people were making their lists the gentleman sitting across from me stated “I am very schizophrenic and I don’t like your voice.” I haven’t spoken a word since being in that room. I looked at him and replied “What is it about my voice that you don’t like?” He thought for a minute and stated “Shut up and kiss me!” I calmly answered “That is not going to happen.”
The other student that was in this social interaction group with me was seriously scared about the comments made to me. She is obviously not going to go into psychiatric nursing. She doesn’t want to be left alone with any of the patients. Myself, I love it!
I know that I was just hired at the Family Recovery Center, and I do plan on staying there but man it is hard not to go and apply at the mental institution.
Today I was attending a group on social interactions. In this group we were handed a piece of paper and we needed to write our fears. I wrote down my most common fears:
I have a fear of the dark.
I have a fear of bridges.
I have a fear of worms.
I have a fear of losing a loved one.
I have a fear of talking in large groups.
I have a fear of failure.
Well you get the point.
Anyway, as people were making their lists the gentleman sitting across from me stated “I am very schizophrenic and I don’t like your voice.” I haven’t spoken a word since being in that room. I looked at him and replied “What is it about my voice that you don’t like?” He thought for a minute and stated “Shut up and kiss me!” I calmly answered “That is not going to happen.”
The other student that was in this social interaction group with me was seriously scared about the comments made to me. She is obviously not going to go into psychiatric nursing. She doesn’t want to be left alone with any of the patients. Myself, I love it!
I know that I was just hired at the Family Recovery Center, and I do plan on staying there but man it is hard not to go and apply at the mental institution.
Monday, July 28, 2008
A Beautiful Mind...
It was another great day in my mental health rotation. Today my patient picked me.
Our picnic at the park was cancelled do to the storms last night. Some of the patients were upset about this while others were relieved. To be honest I was slightly relieved, but I would have gone and enjoyed myself.
Today I played basketball against a man around my age. Well, at first I stood back and watched. He was good. I approached him and he seemed highly disinterested in my interrupting his shooting. After I ‘proved’ myself worthy of shooting hoops—he started having fun. Yes, I can shoot a basketball—and pretty darn good too! He invited me to play again tomorrow. I accepted. He is not my patient. My patient is a middle-age woman. She is very shy, and seems like she has no self worth. I enjoyed the conversations that she and I had. She let me right into her life and made me feel welcome in the process.
We only get to talk to our patients about 15-20 minutes a day. Doesn’t sound like much, does it? It’s not. We make an appointment with them and than the rest of the day we join activities or go to group therapies, etc. Today I went shopping with a handful of patients. To be honest you would not have known that these individuals have psychiatric problems; the majority of them are fairly controlled. It was a fun experience.
Have you ever seen A Beautiful Mind? There is an amazing patient at the facility that reminds me of that movie. Some of these patients live in their own little worlds some live in two different worlds, but whatever world it is I am enjoying this.
A lot of the patients have drug induced psychiatric problems. Using too many drugs can rewire your brain and honestly make you have a mental illness. I think they call it something like drug induce schizophrenia. Most of them realize that they have failed society and now have such low self esteem that they fear that nobody will give them a second chance. They thrive on seeing us, the nursing students, making fools out of ourselves. This I do well and I don’t even have to try.
I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t know that there is a bad side to mental health nursing—the episodes. I have seen a few of those too. I have seen some bizarre things to be honest. I have even heard some pretty violent and strange things come out of these patients’ mouths. Anything from wanting to slit a person’s throat to seeing someone burns themselves with the flame of a lighter.
It is kind of funny to see how the majority of the nursing group doesn’t like this rotation; in fact, they are counting down the days to be out of there. They are out of their element. Not me, I think I found what I was looking for in nursing.
I’m strange.
Our picnic at the park was cancelled do to the storms last night. Some of the patients were upset about this while others were relieved. To be honest I was slightly relieved, but I would have gone and enjoyed myself.
Today I played basketball against a man around my age. Well, at first I stood back and watched. He was good. I approached him and he seemed highly disinterested in my interrupting his shooting. After I ‘proved’ myself worthy of shooting hoops—he started having fun. Yes, I can shoot a basketball—and pretty darn good too! He invited me to play again tomorrow. I accepted. He is not my patient. My patient is a middle-age woman. She is very shy, and seems like she has no self worth. I enjoyed the conversations that she and I had. She let me right into her life and made me feel welcome in the process.
We only get to talk to our patients about 15-20 minutes a day. Doesn’t sound like much, does it? It’s not. We make an appointment with them and than the rest of the day we join activities or go to group therapies, etc. Today I went shopping with a handful of patients. To be honest you would not have known that these individuals have psychiatric problems; the majority of them are fairly controlled. It was a fun experience.
Have you ever seen A Beautiful Mind? There is an amazing patient at the facility that reminds me of that movie. Some of these patients live in their own little worlds some live in two different worlds, but whatever world it is I am enjoying this.
A lot of the patients have drug induced psychiatric problems. Using too many drugs can rewire your brain and honestly make you have a mental illness. I think they call it something like drug induce schizophrenia. Most of them realize that they have failed society and now have such low self esteem that they fear that nobody will give them a second chance. They thrive on seeing us, the nursing students, making fools out of ourselves. This I do well and I don’t even have to try.
I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t know that there is a bad side to mental health nursing—the episodes. I have seen a few of those too. I have seen some bizarre things to be honest. I have even heard some pretty violent and strange things come out of these patients’ mouths. Anything from wanting to slit a person’s throat to seeing someone burns themselves with the flame of a lighter.
It is kind of funny to see how the majority of the nursing group doesn’t like this rotation; in fact, they are counting down the days to be out of there. They are out of their element. Not me, I think I found what I was looking for in nursing.
I’m strange.
No power AGAIN!
Last night I decided I was going to cook myself supper. With it just being me, myself, and I; I haven't done much cooking. In fact, last night was the first time my oven in my new stove has been turned on.
I had my dinner in the oven and I start hearing thunder and seeing the lightening flashing. I love to watch storms so I sat on my porch for awhile. I came inside and my lights were a flickering on and off. Darn it..I knew that my power was going to go out so I get in the freezer and pop a microwave meal in and no more than thirty seconds after that...boom...my power was out!
Thinking that it might come back on....I waited. It didn't. I ended up throwing out both meals and running to wal-mart for something to eat. Not thinking while I was there to grab a flashlight or candles-I came home to a dark house.
Good thing it was still kinda light out because I put on a cowboy hat, took out a blanket, and sat on the porch and read 23 chapters in a book. Which was nice.
The storm did a lot to this neighborhood. My neighbor has a huge tree that I am becoming more and more leary about it falling into either hers or my house one of these times. It had a big 15 foot branch fall and block the road. I wish I would have took a picture. It is not blocking the road now but it is still on the parking. If they haven't cut it up when I get back from clinical I will try and remember to take some pictures. Oh, and the alley is blocked by a tree that fell.
Anyway, we were out of electricity for about five to six hours. I am truly sick of not having power. Like I have a choice when nature takes over. The worst thing this time was I had my clothes in the wash so I had to stay up till the power came on...I needed the clothes to be done for this morning.
Now I got myself drawn into a good book and well flashing clocks everywhere that need to be set. Oh, and don't forget the thousands of branches strung out all over my yard that I will have to clean up before I mow.
At least I have something to look forward to...
I had my dinner in the oven and I start hearing thunder and seeing the lightening flashing. I love to watch storms so I sat on my porch for awhile. I came inside and my lights were a flickering on and off. Darn it..I knew that my power was going to go out so I get in the freezer and pop a microwave meal in and no more than thirty seconds after that...boom...my power was out!
Thinking that it might come back on....I waited. It didn't. I ended up throwing out both meals and running to wal-mart for something to eat. Not thinking while I was there to grab a flashlight or candles-I came home to a dark house.
Good thing it was still kinda light out because I put on a cowboy hat, took out a blanket, and sat on the porch and read 23 chapters in a book. Which was nice.
The storm did a lot to this neighborhood. My neighbor has a huge tree that I am becoming more and more leary about it falling into either hers or my house one of these times. It had a big 15 foot branch fall and block the road. I wish I would have took a picture. It is not blocking the road now but it is still on the parking. If they haven't cut it up when I get back from clinical I will try and remember to take some pictures. Oh, and the alley is blocked by a tree that fell.
Anyway, we were out of electricity for about five to six hours. I am truly sick of not having power. Like I have a choice when nature takes over. The worst thing this time was I had my clothes in the wash so I had to stay up till the power came on...I needed the clothes to be done for this morning.
Now I got myself drawn into a good book and well flashing clocks everywhere that need to be set. Oh, and don't forget the thousands of branches strung out all over my yard that I will have to clean up before I mow.
At least I have something to look forward to...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
What I wouldn't do...
Have you ever had one of those days that you come home and just want someone to spoil you? Of course you have. That is me today.
My feet are throbbing! What I wouldn't do for a great foot massage. MmmmMmmm....
I guess I will be soaking them later even though it is not the same as a massage. See there are reasons that I want a guy in my life...but I have more reasons not to date right now.
Anyway...
Tomorrow at clinicals we are going to spend the day at the park and pick out our patient. I think I might let the patient pick me out instead. We will see.
My feet are throbbing! What I wouldn't do for a great foot massage. MmmmMmmm....
I guess I will be soaking them later even though it is not the same as a massage. See there are reasons that I want a guy in my life...but I have more reasons not to date right now.
Anyway...
Tomorrow at clinicals we are going to spend the day at the park and pick out our patient. I think I might let the patient pick me out instead. We will see.
Guilt is in the air.
I feel guilty. There is this guy, a very nice guy, which he keeps asking to “hang out”. I always make up an excuse to be polite. Sometimes I am too busy or sometimes I am too tired. The truth is I don’t want to date right now—not anyone.
I don’t have a good track record with men in my life. These numbers are not large but obviously these connections have never worked out. Did I give up on one day establishing a relationship with a man? No. I simply need to find out what it is that I do that don’t keep a man after the initial dating period.
I also want to wait on dating because of my kids. I don’t like to introduce kids to a guy that may or may not be in their life. My kids get attached to someone and if it doesn’t work out I have 4 broken hearts to deal with—not just my own. To me the worst is trying to explain to a kid why so and so is not going to be around anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you the hurt that you see in their eyes when they liked someone and than the questions that come out of their mouths!
A quick side note—my daughter has a magic 8ball at my sisters’ house. My sister called and told me that this last week she was asking that magic 8ball if so and so still liked my mom and if they would date again. This broke my heart to see that she lost a male role model and a friend. I can’t do that to my kids again. They have not had a consistent male in their lives—ever. That sounds bad on my part but I have only introduced them to one man that I have dated and they knew one man that I dated prior to us dating. The kids dads are not consistent in their life either...that was part of my point. I don't want to come off as an 'easy' person because it's not that way.
Now, it is not in my nature to be down right mean to this man who is adamant on dating. So I have recently talked to this man and told him I am not dating anyone right now. I can be your friend but nothing more. He agrees, but than after a week he goes right back to the same way. I find myself ignoring calls and not answering e-mails. I feel guilty about this; it is not who I want to be.
I don’t have an answer on when I will want a man in my life. It might be a few months or even longer than a year. I don’t know. I do know that I obviously have some changes to make to myself. I am one of those ‘go with the flow’ types when dating someone—from experience this does not work. I also forget how to be me when I am teeter-tottering on how the person feels about me. I am sure there is more that I need to work on before I jump out into dating again.
I don’t have a good track record with men in my life. These numbers are not large but obviously these connections have never worked out. Did I give up on one day establishing a relationship with a man? No. I simply need to find out what it is that I do that don’t keep a man after the initial dating period.
I also want to wait on dating because of my kids. I don’t like to introduce kids to a guy that may or may not be in their life. My kids get attached to someone and if it doesn’t work out I have 4 broken hearts to deal with—not just my own. To me the worst is trying to explain to a kid why so and so is not going to be around anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you the hurt that you see in their eyes when they liked someone and than the questions that come out of their mouths!
A quick side note—my daughter has a magic 8ball at my sisters’ house. My sister called and told me that this last week she was asking that magic 8ball if so and so still liked my mom and if they would date again. This broke my heart to see that she lost a male role model and a friend. I can’t do that to my kids again. They have not had a consistent male in their lives—ever. That sounds bad on my part but I have only introduced them to one man that I have dated and they knew one man that I dated prior to us dating. The kids dads are not consistent in their life either...that was part of my point. I don't want to come off as an 'easy' person because it's not that way.
Now, it is not in my nature to be down right mean to this man who is adamant on dating. So I have recently talked to this man and told him I am not dating anyone right now. I can be your friend but nothing more. He agrees, but than after a week he goes right back to the same way. I find myself ignoring calls and not answering e-mails. I feel guilty about this; it is not who I want to be.
I don’t have an answer on when I will want a man in my life. It might be a few months or even longer than a year. I don’t know. I do know that I obviously have some changes to make to myself. I am one of those ‘go with the flow’ types when dating someone—from experience this does not work. I also forget how to be me when I am teeter-tottering on how the person feels about me. I am sure there is more that I need to work on before I jump out into dating again.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sometimes I even surprise myself
I think I want another baby. Yup, you read that right. Now, I’m not saying I am going to have another baby. First off let’s rationalize this:
I have three wonderful kids. My oldest 10 ½, my middle 8 ½, and my youngest will be 7 in a few weeks. Why in the world would I give up the little freedom I get when they are in school?
Next, I am not even dating anyone, so there is no possibility of getting pregnant. I don’t want to date someone to get pregnant. There will be no accidents here.
I have a three bedroom house. I don’t have another room for a baby. That is unless I want to add on or move, but neither are an option to me right now.
I am working two jobs and attending school, well at least the clinical portion this term. I have too much on my plate right now so why in the heck would I want to add to it?
See after rationalizing all the above and more, I do completely and competently understand that I do not need another baby, however, I never stated that I needed another baby just that I wanted another baby. There is a difference between the two statements.
Now I sit and wonder what it is about a baby that I want so desperately; I can make a list a mile long.
No, I am not going to run out and get pregnant. In fact, I am pretty sure I will not have another baby. I do, however, think I might look into foster care or even the big brother big sister programs. Now saying that, it won’t be in my near future beings I have my three kids that I need to take care of first and foremost.
Sometimes I even surprise myself with the thoughts that go through my head.
This is not something that I woke up and said to myself this morning; this is something that I have been thinking for a good year. I just wanted to see it in writing.
It is complicated how your emotional side can yearn for something that your intellectual side knows isn’t the best, if it is for the time or situation or whatever it might be.
I have three wonderful kids. My oldest 10 ½, my middle 8 ½, and my youngest will be 7 in a few weeks. Why in the world would I give up the little freedom I get when they are in school?
Next, I am not even dating anyone, so there is no possibility of getting pregnant. I don’t want to date someone to get pregnant. There will be no accidents here.
I have a three bedroom house. I don’t have another room for a baby. That is unless I want to add on or move, but neither are an option to me right now.
I am working two jobs and attending school, well at least the clinical portion this term. I have too much on my plate right now so why in the heck would I want to add to it?
See after rationalizing all the above and more, I do completely and competently understand that I do not need another baby, however, I never stated that I needed another baby just that I wanted another baby. There is a difference between the two statements.
Now I sit and wonder what it is about a baby that I want so desperately; I can make a list a mile long.
No, I am not going to run out and get pregnant. In fact, I am pretty sure I will not have another baby. I do, however, think I might look into foster care or even the big brother big sister programs. Now saying that, it won’t be in my near future beings I have my three kids that I need to take care of first and foremost.
Sometimes I even surprise myself with the thoughts that go through my head.
This is not something that I woke up and said to myself this morning; this is something that I have been thinking for a good year. I just wanted to see it in writing.
It is complicated how your emotional side can yearn for something that your intellectual side knows isn’t the best, if it is for the time or situation or whatever it might be.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Study, study, study...
Today I received me National Council Licensure Examination AUTHORIZATION TO TEST!!!
Basically a long drawn out name for I can take my nursing boards.
I went from being excited to fearful. I don't know if I remember anything!
I guess I will scheduale an appointment and than study, study, study....
I have very mixed feelings about this. If I pass I am a nurse....if I fail I'm not. Simple.
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the weekend!!!!
Basically a long drawn out name for I can take my nursing boards.
I went from being excited to fearful. I don't know if I remember anything!
I guess I will scheduale an appointment and than study, study, study....
I have very mixed feelings about this. If I pass I am a nurse....if I fail I'm not. Simple.
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the weekend!!!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
My yesterday...
Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had my new curtains delivered and hung in the kitchen. My ‘adopted’ mom can sew and well she made me some patriotic curtains to match my kitchen. They look awesome. I asked her when she is going to teach me to sew and for some reason she just laughs. So I take that as a negative. Hmm…
In the afternoon I had to go and interview different in-home childcare providers. I think I might have found the one that I will trust to watch my kids while I am working. Unfortunately it is not in my home and it’s not a man. Hmm…I could dream, right? Honestly I really liked what I seen at this person’s house and I liked the structure and schedule that she has to run her childcare. Now I just got see what the kids think of her when they start over there. I always say it is a ‘trial basis’ until the kids tell me their opinions of the care they receive. My kids are older and I can trust their input.
After that I had to run around town and get some shopping and errands done. I usually love to shop but for some reason I didn’t yesterday.
I ran over to my ‘adopted’ mom’s house because I was going to borrow their shop vac. While I was there I filled out the mounds of paperwork associated with a new daycare provider. We chatted and I ended up coming home.
I talked to my kids when I got home and told them all about their ‘trial’ childcare. They are excited to come home. Thankfully; I was beginning to think they would never miss home. It was great to hear. Only a few more weeks and I can’t wait. In fact my ‘adopted’ mom offered to drive me to meet the kids at the halfway point of Guthrie Center to get the kids. She must be missing them too. I can’t commit myself to that because I might be working that day.
After I talked to my kids I strung the weed eater and decided I would weed eat ‘later’. Yup, at times I am a procrastinator.
I came inside and fell asleep around 8:30. I must have been tired. I know that I woke up on occasion during the night but honestly I slept almost 11 hours. That is about 5 hours more than normal. I must have needed it.
Tomorrow my ‘adopted’ family is going to the casino about an hour and twenty minutes from here and they want me to go. You see gambling is a weakness for me and I would love to go but I had to decline the offer beings I have an all day meeting tomorrow at the hospital.
I can’t believe I just wrote about nothing. I really haven’t had anything exciting happen in the last day or two. Knock-on-wood! I don’t want to jinx myself.
Oh, I guess I can say that my first ex-husband called me and said “Is this Heather.” I reply “Yes. Who the hell is this?” “Keith” he mumbled back. It was definitely one of those moments you dread; my stomach was clenched. He talked very nice and apologized for not being there to help with Tiana. I didn’t say much but I was thinking oh yeah, the decade that you weren’t here.
See in my previous post I stated something like forgiveness was hard for me, more so if it is to forgive myself. Now this is the exception to that. Is it possible to forgive this man? I don’t know. I really don’t know if I want to. Now 2 months ago I would have been saying well he might have changed, just wait and see. Today I don’t want to look for the good in people anymore. I know that sounds crazy but I feel like I have been taken advantage of too many times or walked on because I tried to ‘understand’ everyone. I guess this one he is going to have to prove that he is worthy to see my daughter. He can’t expect a big welcome; he is a stranger in her life.
In the afternoon I had to go and interview different in-home childcare providers. I think I might have found the one that I will trust to watch my kids while I am working. Unfortunately it is not in my home and it’s not a man. Hmm…I could dream, right? Honestly I really liked what I seen at this person’s house and I liked the structure and schedule that she has to run her childcare. Now I just got see what the kids think of her when they start over there. I always say it is a ‘trial basis’ until the kids tell me their opinions of the care they receive. My kids are older and I can trust their input.
After that I had to run around town and get some shopping and errands done. I usually love to shop but for some reason I didn’t yesterday.
I ran over to my ‘adopted’ mom’s house because I was going to borrow their shop vac. While I was there I filled out the mounds of paperwork associated with a new daycare provider. We chatted and I ended up coming home.
I talked to my kids when I got home and told them all about their ‘trial’ childcare. They are excited to come home. Thankfully; I was beginning to think they would never miss home. It was great to hear. Only a few more weeks and I can’t wait. In fact my ‘adopted’ mom offered to drive me to meet the kids at the halfway point of Guthrie Center to get the kids. She must be missing them too. I can’t commit myself to that because I might be working that day.
After I talked to my kids I strung the weed eater and decided I would weed eat ‘later’. Yup, at times I am a procrastinator.
I came inside and fell asleep around 8:30. I must have been tired. I know that I woke up on occasion during the night but honestly I slept almost 11 hours. That is about 5 hours more than normal. I must have needed it.
Tomorrow my ‘adopted’ family is going to the casino about an hour and twenty minutes from here and they want me to go. You see gambling is a weakness for me and I would love to go but I had to decline the offer beings I have an all day meeting tomorrow at the hospital.
I can’t believe I just wrote about nothing. I really haven’t had anything exciting happen in the last day or two. Knock-on-wood! I don’t want to jinx myself.
Oh, I guess I can say that my first ex-husband called me and said “Is this Heather.” I reply “Yes. Who the hell is this?” “Keith” he mumbled back. It was definitely one of those moments you dread; my stomach was clenched. He talked very nice and apologized for not being there to help with Tiana. I didn’t say much but I was thinking oh yeah, the decade that you weren’t here.
See in my previous post I stated something like forgiveness was hard for me, more so if it is to forgive myself. Now this is the exception to that. Is it possible to forgive this man? I don’t know. I really don’t know if I want to. Now 2 months ago I would have been saying well he might have changed, just wait and see. Today I don’t want to look for the good in people anymore. I know that sounds crazy but I feel like I have been taken advantage of too many times or walked on because I tried to ‘understand’ everyone. I guess this one he is going to have to prove that he is worthy to see my daughter. He can’t expect a big welcome; he is a stranger in her life.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
What is happiness?
We all say we want happiness, but what is your definition of happiness? Are you going to actually work for your happiness?
I believe that true happiness is a result of giving and not of receiving. This puts off many people from achieving it for their own. They don't want to make the personal sacrifices required to obtain it for themselves and of course all they can do is resent and hate those who have found it. "Remember it takes as much energy to be miserable as it does to be happy." Knowing this why would I want anything but to be happy? I found out that you need to decide what makes you happy and don't settle for anything less.
Genuinely happy people are different from everyone else; almost like the have some special trait or gene that passed up the rest of the population. Now I ask myself how is it that some people have this mentality and others do not. Can it be as simple as one chooses to simply be happy and not dwell on the negatives? Hmm…just a thought.
Personal happiness depends on the attitude you have decided to have towards life, towards others and especially toward yourself. For example, if you look at life as always knocking you down or never giving you a break…would you be happy? How about if you thought that you didn’t measure up to everyone else in life…your job wasn’t good enough, your house wasn’t big enough…is that happiness? I don’t think so. Appreciation of what we have relates to true happiness. It is very easy to look at what we don’t have instead of looking at what we do have. When we stop being grateful or thankful or appreciative, our entire emotional outlook suffers. Ungratefulness and lack of appreciation is a very ugly trait in someone, don’t you think?
Do you agree or not?
Now this is hard for me; the ability to forgive others and myself. If you know me; I have a hard time forgiving….more so myself. I make mistakes and I just focus on them and tear myself down. So I decided that I need to work on forgiving myself. I find it easier to forgive others because I rationalize their behaviors and actions; sometimes I just make excuses for them. At times I even chalk it up to they are ignorant and don't realize the impact of their behavior. Forgiving myself isn't as easy. I don’t want to rationalize my behavior or say that I am ignorant. Usually I state that I should have known my actions or behavior was going to turn out this way. Hmm….
Anyway, that is my thoughts about true happiness. I think. I mean I can list a lot of material items that can bring a smile to my face, but it is not true happiness.
What is your happiness?
I believe that true happiness is a result of giving and not of receiving. This puts off many people from achieving it for their own. They don't want to make the personal sacrifices required to obtain it for themselves and of course all they can do is resent and hate those who have found it. "Remember it takes as much energy to be miserable as it does to be happy." Knowing this why would I want anything but to be happy? I found out that you need to decide what makes you happy and don't settle for anything less.
Genuinely happy people are different from everyone else; almost like the have some special trait or gene that passed up the rest of the population. Now I ask myself how is it that some people have this mentality and others do not. Can it be as simple as one chooses to simply be happy and not dwell on the negatives? Hmm…just a thought.
Personal happiness depends on the attitude you have decided to have towards life, towards others and especially toward yourself. For example, if you look at life as always knocking you down or never giving you a break…would you be happy? How about if you thought that you didn’t measure up to everyone else in life…your job wasn’t good enough, your house wasn’t big enough…is that happiness? I don’t think so. Appreciation of what we have relates to true happiness. It is very easy to look at what we don’t have instead of looking at what we do have. When we stop being grateful or thankful or appreciative, our entire emotional outlook suffers. Ungratefulness and lack of appreciation is a very ugly trait in someone, don’t you think?
Do you agree or not?
Now this is hard for me; the ability to forgive others and myself. If you know me; I have a hard time forgiving….more so myself. I make mistakes and I just focus on them and tear myself down. So I decided that I need to work on forgiving myself. I find it easier to forgive others because I rationalize their behaviors and actions; sometimes I just make excuses for them. At times I even chalk it up to they are ignorant and don't realize the impact of their behavior. Forgiving myself isn't as easy. I don’t want to rationalize my behavior or say that I am ignorant. Usually I state that I should have known my actions or behavior was going to turn out this way. Hmm….
Anyway, that is my thoughts about true happiness. I think. I mean I can list a lot of material items that can bring a smile to my face, but it is not true happiness.
What is your happiness?
My soon to be new scar
Well I just finished mowing my lawn and I came inside sat down and looked at my leg. I had a gash in my left leg with blood running down. I didn't even realize it. Hmmm....I must of had something shoot out of the lawnmower at me. I am usually pretty good at making sure everything is picked up before I start though. Who knows. This just goes and shows that I shouldn't wear shorts out when I mow. I am okay and it doesn't hurt at all. Hopefully it doesn't scar.
Who knows where nursing will lead me...
Today at clinical I fell in love…with the kind of nursing that I think is made for me…
Mental Health Nursing!
Yup, I think this is it.
Today was interesting to say the least. There are 8 of us students that are in clinical together. Out of the 8 I only believe 3 were comfortable working with the mental health patients. I was one of them. I loved it. We played volleyball with the patients that wanted to participate. And there was about 6-7 that came to play but 2-3 of the patients only hit the ball and left, while the others stayed and play for over a hour. And that is okay.
This is the only rotation where we will not be assigned patients….we get to choose our own. I have a person that I have in mind but it’s not set in stone. Next Monday we are having a picnic at the local park and are going to be able to interact with them and than we will pick our patient or they might pick us…
Now, this is not a serious locked up mental ward…Ottumwa actually announced yesterday they are closing that ward in the hospital this Friday. What a notice! But this is a place where the chronic patients are in a ‘secure’ facility and after they get their medications straightened out they move to a different floor to set their goals in life and this facility helps with reentering some, not all, of the patients back to the community….slowly. It takes the very minimum of 8-12 months if not more to get someone back in to the community.
Also in this rotation we get to go to the Bridge of Hope and the Family Recovery Unit at the hospital. Yup, that is where I got my job. I was excited about that. In fact we toured that floor today and they had a banner that said WELCOME HEATHER. How sweet is that?
Anyway, I do truly think that this is something that I am extremely interested in. If only I would have listened to my very first instructor at the college, Scott, because he told me that he sees me being a mental health nurse. Hmmm…maybe teachers do know best…well at times I suppose.
Since I started in nursing I just knew that I wanted to be a surgical nurse…no doubt. Today I think I have seriously changed my mind. I believe I found my calling today.
Who knows where nursing will lead me…
Mental Health Nursing!
Yup, I think this is it.
Today was interesting to say the least. There are 8 of us students that are in clinical together. Out of the 8 I only believe 3 were comfortable working with the mental health patients. I was one of them. I loved it. We played volleyball with the patients that wanted to participate. And there was about 6-7 that came to play but 2-3 of the patients only hit the ball and left, while the others stayed and play for over a hour. And that is okay.
This is the only rotation where we will not be assigned patients….we get to choose our own. I have a person that I have in mind but it’s not set in stone. Next Monday we are having a picnic at the local park and are going to be able to interact with them and than we will pick our patient or they might pick us…
Now, this is not a serious locked up mental ward…Ottumwa actually announced yesterday they are closing that ward in the hospital this Friday. What a notice! But this is a place where the chronic patients are in a ‘secure’ facility and after they get their medications straightened out they move to a different floor to set their goals in life and this facility helps with reentering some, not all, of the patients back to the community….slowly. It takes the very minimum of 8-12 months if not more to get someone back in to the community.
Also in this rotation we get to go to the Bridge of Hope and the Family Recovery Unit at the hospital. Yup, that is where I got my job. I was excited about that. In fact we toured that floor today and they had a banner that said WELCOME HEATHER. How sweet is that?
Anyway, I do truly think that this is something that I am extremely interested in. If only I would have listened to my very first instructor at the college, Scott, because he told me that he sees me being a mental health nurse. Hmmm…maybe teachers do know best…well at times I suppose.
Since I started in nursing I just knew that I wanted to be a surgical nurse…no doubt. Today I think I have seriously changed my mind. I believe I found my calling today.
Who knows where nursing will lead me…
Proof...I graduated!
Today was a fabulous day! Not one complaint....I wish all days were like today.
Anyway, I had a great clinical experience today. I think I might have found my calling. Yup-I do!
I will post later about that.
Anyway, I get home and what is in my mailbox....my diploma.
Some don't really know how big of a deal this little diploma is. I didn't graduate high school. Not because I wasn't smart enough, or I was a troubled teen, but because I made a stupid decision and decided to drop out of high school. So this diploma is my first ever...along with my first tassel.
I didn't go to my graduation ceremony. I told everyone that it was no big deal and that I didn't want anyone to make a big deal about it. I kept saying, next year is going to be my actual graduation-when I get my R.N.. To be honest I wish I would have went to my pinning ceremony and my graduation ceremony. Mark my word...when I graduate with my R.N. I am going to make a big deal out of it.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Power outage
Late last night I was looking items up online. It started with the pool that I just purchased and progressed to the big blow up waterslides. I read about the waterslides and than I thought about the big bouncy houses consequently I looked them up too. After reading about the many types of bouncy houses, some which have a waterslide hooked to the house itself, I than started to think about my favorite holiday—Halloween.
I get online and I searched “Haunted Houses”. I know that they make blow up haunted houses and I wanted to price them. I think it would be amazing to have one and set it up for the neighborhood kids, a Halloween party for my kids, or even when passing out candy on Halloween when my kids are done trick-or-treating. I want to be one of those “you never want to miss houses” on Halloween. I want the whole shebang. It might take years to get there…but I will have one of those houses.
Anyway, this was just about one in the morning when I was surfing the net looking at actual Haunted Houses in and out of the United States. I was reading about stories and claims of people who experienced the paranormal activities in there own homes. Well deep in thought about all the Haunted Houses….my power goes out…we had a big storm.
No big deal, right? Wrong!
I am scared of the dark.
Yes, Heather Tucker, who loves all things scary, is afraid of being in the pitch dark.
I know this doesn’t make sense so let me try and explain. I am ONLY afraid of the dark when I am absolutely alone. I have to sleep with my TV on or my nightlight on. If there is someone sleeping in bed with me…I’m fine. It is that comfort feeling. I can handle Haunted Houses, being outside at all hours of the night, it s only when I am alone that I have this intense fear.
I did what any other irrational person would have done—ran to my bed and put the covers over my head. I’m not kidding. I had my cell phone so I thought I’d call a friend to get my mind off of it. So I call a guy friend who is up at that time. Big mistake—I soon found out.
Thinking that this guy would be compassionate about my fear, I was wrong. Not only did he keep bringing it up, he started to add to it. For instance, saying you are afraid of the dark what if someone tried to break in. I was like shut up. This is a genuine fear. I was and am angry with this friend. He made fun of my fear and instead of just having a conversation with me he kept bringing it up—thinking it was funny.
I ended up hanging up.
I called my sister, who was actually awake, and she too is afraid of the dark. We talked till my battery died on my cell phone. Within fifteen minutes of that my power was back on, thankfully.
Call me a baby, say it is ridiculous, whatever…I have the fear of the dark…and well worms. Ew.
Disclaimer: I know this guy friend of mine reads my blog on occasion AND this is about you!
I get online and I searched “Haunted Houses”. I know that they make blow up haunted houses and I wanted to price them. I think it would be amazing to have one and set it up for the neighborhood kids, a Halloween party for my kids, or even when passing out candy on Halloween when my kids are done trick-or-treating. I want to be one of those “you never want to miss houses” on Halloween. I want the whole shebang. It might take years to get there…but I will have one of those houses.
Anyway, this was just about one in the morning when I was surfing the net looking at actual Haunted Houses in and out of the United States. I was reading about stories and claims of people who experienced the paranormal activities in there own homes. Well deep in thought about all the Haunted Houses….my power goes out…we had a big storm.
No big deal, right? Wrong!
I am scared of the dark.
Yes, Heather Tucker, who loves all things scary, is afraid of being in the pitch dark.
I know this doesn’t make sense so let me try and explain. I am ONLY afraid of the dark when I am absolutely alone. I have to sleep with my TV on or my nightlight on. If there is someone sleeping in bed with me…I’m fine. It is that comfort feeling. I can handle Haunted Houses, being outside at all hours of the night, it s only when I am alone that I have this intense fear.
I did what any other irrational person would have done—ran to my bed and put the covers over my head. I’m not kidding. I had my cell phone so I thought I’d call a friend to get my mind off of it. So I call a guy friend who is up at that time. Big mistake—I soon found out.
Thinking that this guy would be compassionate about my fear, I was wrong. Not only did he keep bringing it up, he started to add to it. For instance, saying you are afraid of the dark what if someone tried to break in. I was like shut up. This is a genuine fear. I was and am angry with this friend. He made fun of my fear and instead of just having a conversation with me he kept bringing it up—thinking it was funny.
I ended up hanging up.
I called my sister, who was actually awake, and she too is afraid of the dark. We talked till my battery died on my cell phone. Within fifteen minutes of that my power was back on, thankfully.
Call me a baby, say it is ridiculous, whatever…I have the fear of the dark…and well worms. Ew.
Disclaimer: I know this guy friend of mine reads my blog on occasion AND this is about you!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Next summer...
I bought my kids a pool today one of those easy-to-setup ones. Now I am sure the kids will have fun in it. I think it is 15 feet across and either 42 or 48 inches deep. I doubt I will be putting it up this year beings my kids won't be back home till mid-August. I couldn't pass up the price; it was normally 399.99 and I got it on sale for 50% off.
Now I am going to have to fence in the rest of my backyard. The thing is I like to learn how to do things so I might be trying it myself....with the help of someone. It's not like I didn't have anything else to do...atleast I can put this off till next spring!
Newspaper ad
Beings I am a single mom of three wonderful kids, I know the great difficulties it is to find quality daycare. It even is harder to find childcare when you are not working that 8am to 4pm Monday through Friday shift. Finding someone to watch the kids on second shift is proving to be quite a challenge. I think I am going to have to put an ad in the paper.
How about: Let me be your sugar mama. I will work if you watch my kids at night. Pay and possibly good benefits (sleeping in my bed). Cable is included on big, flat screen TV. Beer is available after kids are sleeping.
What do you think? I know I'm pulling for a man. Seriously though I wouldn't mind a male 'nanny'.
Got any ad suggestions?
All in all this is my greatest obstacle of being a single mom--Quality child care that you can afford.
How about: Let me be your sugar mama. I will work if you watch my kids at night. Pay and possibly good benefits (sleeping in my bed). Cable is included on big, flat screen TV. Beer is available after kids are sleeping.
What do you think? I know I'm pulling for a man. Seriously though I wouldn't mind a male 'nanny'.
Got any ad suggestions?
All in all this is my greatest obstacle of being a single mom--Quality child care that you can afford.
Sick, sick, and still sick.
I got my physical done. It was the only time in my life that not only did they have to take a urine drug test, give me a TB test (even though I had proof of 2 of them in the last year), a Hep B shot (I have 1 left in the series), and titers for chickenpox and MMR. They were also trying to give me a tetnus shot too...but I promised them my 10 years were not up. All that and the hospital had no water. They had portable toliets in the parking lots. I couldn't wash my hands after collecting a urine sample. It was something else.
After the physical portion I had to go to HR and filled out what seemed to be a book of papers. I got my hospital ID badge and my parking permit. Next friday I have to go to a meeting and that is my start date but I don't know when I will actually be starting. Orientation is not till August 18th but that doesn't mean they won't start me before than. Who knows.
I got home from the physical around 10:30 and I got sick. I wish that I could have crawled into bed and slept the day away but I couldn't I had to work at noon. But what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, right? :)
I still don't feel very well but I'm alive.
After the physical portion I had to go to HR and filled out what seemed to be a book of papers. I got my hospital ID badge and my parking permit. Next friday I have to go to a meeting and that is my start date but I don't know when I will actually be starting. Orientation is not till August 18th but that doesn't mean they won't start me before than. Who knows.
I got home from the physical around 10:30 and I got sick. I wish that I could have crawled into bed and slept the day away but I couldn't I had to work at noon. But what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger, right? :)
I still don't feel very well but I'm alive.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Lets get physical...
I am on my way to get my physical needed for the Family Recovery Unit job that I will be starting I believe August 18th....well that is orientation. I'm excited.
Yesterday I went to the college and dropped my classes and the person I spoke to in the Health Occupations was very helpful and pulled a few strings to get me to stay in the clinical portion of nursing so when I start back on in the winter term I won't have to redo any of the clinical that I did this summer. This works out famously for me because the summer term costs came right out of my pocket. She also registered me for a few classes for fall that I can do online at home....and they count for my nursing degree when I start back up in winter.
I was so nervous about dropping...but with life at the moment I couldn't concentrate or retain any information. After speaking to them and explaining my life situation they were very understanding and helped in everyway possible.
On another note..I was mistaken. My ex husband is on parole. I thought he served his full sentence but he didn't. I guess his full sentence was 12 years and he served 8 of them so he is on parole for 4 years. That does ease my mind a bit because he has got to watch his actions for 4 years or he goes back to prison. It is only a small relief but I will take it.
Anyway, I am out the door to get my physical done...
Yesterday I went to the college and dropped my classes and the person I spoke to in the Health Occupations was very helpful and pulled a few strings to get me to stay in the clinical portion of nursing so when I start back on in the winter term I won't have to redo any of the clinical that I did this summer. This works out famously for me because the summer term costs came right out of my pocket. She also registered me for a few classes for fall that I can do online at home....and they count for my nursing degree when I start back up in winter.
I was so nervous about dropping...but with life at the moment I couldn't concentrate or retain any information. After speaking to them and explaining my life situation they were very understanding and helped in everyway possible.
On another note..I was mistaken. My ex husband is on parole. I thought he served his full sentence but he didn't. I guess his full sentence was 12 years and he served 8 of them so he is on parole for 4 years. That does ease my mind a bit because he has got to watch his actions for 4 years or he goes back to prison. It is only a small relief but I will take it.
Anyway, I am out the door to get my physical done...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Is it a masterpiece?
When I first moved to Ottumwa from Sioux City (going on two years) it was very hard for me--I left my family and friends behind. My sister and I used to spend any spare moment online chatting with each other and we found out about Doodle IMViroment that you can use on Yahoo Messanger. We got addicted.
If you haven't used Doodle IMViroment, I seriously suggest that you do. IM me I will color with ya! Both people, in this instance it was my sister and I, get to draw at the same time. We would take turns drawing a shape and the other adding to it as we typed our IM's to each other. The one pictured above was one of our masterpieces. My sister printed it out and mailed it to me over a year and a half ago. I found it last night. It brought me as much laughter finding it as it did the day we created it.
We also play Literati (Scrabble), Word Racer, and Pool.
I want to say today ended up being a great day. I had some good news that eased my mind greatly. More on that later....just remind me!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Bored with nothing to do...
I have this huge headache that won’t go away. I have tried taking something for it and it just hasn’t helped. I think it is stress related. Ugh.
Anyway, here is a picture of me today after I got done mowing. I even wore a white t-shirt while I mowed…but with proper undergarments this time.
Anyway, here is a picture of me today after I got done mowing. I even wore a white t-shirt while I mowed…but with proper undergarments this time.
Oh what a lovely picture it is. Haha.
I really want to play UNO or Connect Four, but I have a quiet house with nothing to do.
Oh. I did find out that my ex-husband got out prison last week and now is attending Bible College in Texas....hmmm...
What does a mother do when her hands are tied?
What do you do when your ex-husband, the biological father of your daughter, is to be released from prison sometime this month? He had served his full sentence of 8 hard years in Texas. He won’t be on parole. He is free to be wherever he chooses.
Now what do you do to prepare your daughter for this? She don’t remember anything about this man—not one memory. She was barely one when we split up and he hasn’t seen her since.
Through letters he has written how much he is sorry for his actions and how much he missed out of Tiana’s life. All things that I do not feel sorry for him about…and I tell him just that. This man by law has the right for visitations with my daughter. I can’t begin to tell you what thoughts are racing in my head.
Now this same man, through letters, has repeatedly asked for a second chance. As he states “Heather, you have a piece of my heart and it would not be fair to try and love someone else when I would not be able to give them my full heart”. This is the same man that I married and didn’t love, but I know he did love me.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do?
I don’t want anything with this man. I don’t know if I can even have friendship with him. But in the instance that it involves my child—what does a mother do when her hands are tied?
Now what do you do to prepare your daughter for this? She don’t remember anything about this man—not one memory. She was barely one when we split up and he hasn’t seen her since.
Through letters he has written how much he is sorry for his actions and how much he missed out of Tiana’s life. All things that I do not feel sorry for him about…and I tell him just that. This man by law has the right for visitations with my daughter. I can’t begin to tell you what thoughts are racing in my head.
Now this same man, through letters, has repeatedly asked for a second chance. As he states “Heather, you have a piece of my heart and it would not be fair to try and love someone else when I would not be able to give them my full heart”. This is the same man that I married and didn’t love, but I know he did love me.
What do you do when you don’t know what to do?
I don’t want anything with this man. I don’t know if I can even have friendship with him. But in the instance that it involves my child—what does a mother do when her hands are tied?
For better or for worse?
If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
That is a pretty easy one for me to answer—Phantasia—no questions.
I have been sitting here wondering what to do with life. I feel like whatever direction that I do turn, turns out to be the wrong one. Have you ever just felt like you hit a dead end? I have. I feel that way now.
Maybe it is time for a trip home, to visit my family. I don’t know. Maybe I just need a good ole weekend at the tattoo shop; watching the guys be—well just that—guys.
I prefer not to be negative. I do think I try and find positives in situations. I feel broken. All I see now is negatives in people, not everyone but some. I hate that I see that. I see all this negatives in people that at one time I used to think they were amazing people. I don’t know, maybe I took off my rose-colored glasses and I am seeing them for who they really are. I guess I can best describe it as a kid finding out that Santa is not really a heavyset, white-haired, jolly-man that lives at the North Pole. Disappointing huh?
I was once told that I need to put myself first and not others. Why is that? Why can’t I put someone else’s needs before mine? I guess because people are in that ‘me-me’ mode that they feel that is the only way to meet their needs. I don’t know. This world is full of selfish people. I’m talking about people—that say they are friends—that can’t even take a moment to show that they mean it.
So to all of those people I truly feel sorry for your selfish ways. And even more I am sorry to myself for wasting my time. I believe that the best rewards in life are those that are accomplished in unselfish ways. Does it truly have to be a ‘me-me’ world out there? Has humanity seriously lost that touch of being considerate or empathetic to others?
I think I have made some huge changes in life these last couple of weeks. I just haven’t decided if they were for better or for worse…
That is a pretty easy one for me to answer—Phantasia—no questions.
I have been sitting here wondering what to do with life. I feel like whatever direction that I do turn, turns out to be the wrong one. Have you ever just felt like you hit a dead end? I have. I feel that way now.
Maybe it is time for a trip home, to visit my family. I don’t know. Maybe I just need a good ole weekend at the tattoo shop; watching the guys be—well just that—guys.
I prefer not to be negative. I do think I try and find positives in situations. I feel broken. All I see now is negatives in people, not everyone but some. I hate that I see that. I see all this negatives in people that at one time I used to think they were amazing people. I don’t know, maybe I took off my rose-colored glasses and I am seeing them for who they really are. I guess I can best describe it as a kid finding out that Santa is not really a heavyset, white-haired, jolly-man that lives at the North Pole. Disappointing huh?
I was once told that I need to put myself first and not others. Why is that? Why can’t I put someone else’s needs before mine? I guess because people are in that ‘me-me’ mode that they feel that is the only way to meet their needs. I don’t know. This world is full of selfish people. I’m talking about people—that say they are friends—that can’t even take a moment to show that they mean it.
So to all of those people I truly feel sorry for your selfish ways. And even more I am sorry to myself for wasting my time. I believe that the best rewards in life are those that are accomplished in unselfish ways. Does it truly have to be a ‘me-me’ world out there? Has humanity seriously lost that touch of being considerate or empathetic to others?
I think I have made some huge changes in life these last couple of weeks. I just haven’t decided if they were for better or for worse…
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I must have no life.
I typed my full name into yahoo search to see what would come up, if anything. And one thing did pop up. My dissolution of my second marriage. How fun is that? LOL
Wow...I'm lucky.
So I tried my previous names and nothing came up. Hmm...
I must have no life.
At least I didn't have the shortest marriage!
Dissolutions: (Sept. 26th 2006)
Sharon C. Aguilar, Ralph E. Aguilar, married Dec. 2, 1988, in Reno, Nevada.
Melesio Gonzalez Luna, Felipa DeJesus Rodriguez, married Jan. 20, 1999, in Mexico.
Amanda Irene Burton, Christopher Alan Burton, married Feb. 2, 2002, in Fort Morgan, Colo.
Donald Alan Davis, Robin Larissa Davis, married March 24, 2001, in Iowa.
Anne L. Garreans, Jeffrey D. Garreans, married July 10, 1992, in Denison, Iowa.
Heather Janell Tucker, Lenny Duane Tucker, married May 15, 2000, in South Dakota.
Kristin F. Wright, Christopher D. Wright, married April 23, 2004, in Las Vegas.
Lloyd D. Crain, Melissa Ann Crain, married Aug. 7, 1993, in Iowa.
Tammy Sue Taylor, George Taylor Jr., married March 23, 1991, in Missouri.
Ashlei S. Butzer, Matthew J. Butzer, married July 10, 2004, in Ohio.
Wow...I'm lucky.
So I tried my previous names and nothing came up. Hmm...
I must have no life.
At least I didn't have the shortest marriage!
Dissolutions: (Sept. 26th 2006)
Sharon C. Aguilar, Ralph E. Aguilar, married Dec. 2, 1988, in Reno, Nevada.
Melesio Gonzalez Luna, Felipa DeJesus Rodriguez, married Jan. 20, 1999, in Mexico.
Amanda Irene Burton, Christopher Alan Burton, married Feb. 2, 2002, in Fort Morgan, Colo.
Donald Alan Davis, Robin Larissa Davis, married March 24, 2001, in Iowa.
Anne L. Garreans, Jeffrey D. Garreans, married July 10, 1992, in Denison, Iowa.
Heather Janell Tucker, Lenny Duane Tucker, married May 15, 2000, in South Dakota.
Kristin F. Wright, Christopher D. Wright, married April 23, 2004, in Las Vegas.
Lloyd D. Crain, Melissa Ann Crain, married Aug. 7, 1993, in Iowa.
Tammy Sue Taylor, George Taylor Jr., married March 23, 1991, in Missouri.
Ashlei S. Butzer, Matthew J. Butzer, married July 10, 2004, in Ohio.
Can't a girl have a break?
All in all it turned into a really crappy day.
I am going to spare many details and just say I have decided to postpone any more schooling that I have for the time being--hopefully not indefinitely--I'm still in some classes and clinicals. Things happen for a reason, right?
I didn't even get a chance to fail my class!
It has been one thing after another this summer. Can’t a girl have a break?
Seriously if karma exists and “what comes around, goes around”; I must seriously be one messed up, cruel person.
On a good note, I decided to rent a movie…umm…Stop-Loss. The guy that was working at the video store suggested to me. I never heard of it before; I am taking him by his word…
Here is the plot summary: “Decorated Iraq war hero Sgt. Brandon King makes a celebrated return to his small Texas hometown following his tour of duty. He tries to resume the life he left behind. Then, against Brandon's will, the Army orders him back to duty in Iraq, which upends his world. The conflict tests everything he believes in: the bond of family, the loyalty of friendship, the limits of love and the value of honor.”
Hmm…I guess it’s time to put it in.
I am going to spare many details and just say I have decided to postpone any more schooling that I have for the time being--hopefully not indefinitely--I'm still in some classes and clinicals. Things happen for a reason, right?
I didn't even get a chance to fail my class!
It has been one thing after another this summer. Can’t a girl have a break?
Seriously if karma exists and “what comes around, goes around”; I must seriously be one messed up, cruel person.
On a good note, I decided to rent a movie…umm…Stop-Loss. The guy that was working at the video store suggested to me. I never heard of it before; I am taking him by his word…
Here is the plot summary: “Decorated Iraq war hero Sgt. Brandon King makes a celebrated return to his small Texas hometown following his tour of duty. He tries to resume the life he left behind. Then, against Brandon's will, the Army orders him back to duty in Iraq, which upends his world. The conflict tests everything he believes in: the bond of family, the loyalty of friendship, the limits of love and the value of honor.”
Hmm…I guess it’s time to put it in.
Bowling...
You are looking at a person who broke their bowling record. Oh yea!
Yup, I am good. I even conquered a 7-10 split—I am that good.
I dominated the game….and when I say game I mean the bowling game that comes with the wii.
Yea, I kicked butt.
Any challengers? No.
That is what I thought.
Yup, I am good. I even conquered a 7-10 split—I am that good.
I dominated the game….and when I say game I mean the bowling game that comes with the wii.
Yea, I kicked butt.
Any challengers? No.
That is what I thought.
Monday, July 14, 2008
My near death experience.
I think I am recovering from a panic attack--seriously. I was in the bathroom when my heart started to race and my palms got sweaty; I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. That is a panic attack, correct? Well that was what happened. I felt as if I was a fish out of water trying to breathe. I thought I was dying.
What caused this near death experience…let me tell you…a gray hair! Actually more than one gray hair—there were gray hairs!
So after I plucked those invading my youth, I decided to inspect the signs of aging. I think I have a wrinkle—well maybe a start of a wrinkle. When the heck did this all start?!
I am twenty-eight years old. That is 344 months old or 1,495 weeks old or 10,466 days old.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
All things considered, I think I have been taking aging gracefully…
What caused this near death experience…let me tell you…a gray hair! Actually more than one gray hair—there were gray hairs!
So after I plucked those invading my youth, I decided to inspect the signs of aging. I think I have a wrinkle—well maybe a start of a wrinkle. When the heck did this all start?!
I am twenty-eight years old. That is 344 months old or 1,495 weeks old or 10,466 days old.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
All things considered, I think I have been taking aging gracefully…
A child's love...
So I had clinical today at the hospital in town. I had to go to a vaccine meeting with the nurses that I am ‘shadowing’ with. This worked out good for me because it did save me a half hour drive one way to the town that I am usually going to.
I came home for my lunch break to let Prince Crete outside to go to the bathroom and posted a quick post about friendship—as you can tell. Duh!
Anyway, I checked my mail and I had a card from my youngest which just about made me cry. Now, the card itself is ‘strange’ at best, but I do understand why he picked it. I love butterflies and it had a huge butterfly on the front…but…it was a “so sorry for your loss” card. That is okay…I loved it!
Inside is written “I love you. How is your summer? How are you? How is your day? How are you doing? How was today? I love you very much. Love, Dalton”-- all in his penmanship. Now if that is not too sweet in itself he taped a quarter, dime, and two pennies inside. This just brought tears to my eyes. I have been sending the kids a card weekly asking them questions like Dalton asked me. I also have been sending them each a little bit of money to buy treats when they go to the gas station or to the pool. If you haven’t figured it out yet—he sent me money to buy myself something.
This is why I know that kids are priceless. An instant like this makes the struggles in life worth every moment. A child's love is worth more than anything that I have ever expierenced.
This just made me miss my kids more…
I came home for my lunch break to let Prince Crete outside to go to the bathroom and posted a quick post about friendship—as you can tell. Duh!
Anyway, I checked my mail and I had a card from my youngest which just about made me cry. Now, the card itself is ‘strange’ at best, but I do understand why he picked it. I love butterflies and it had a huge butterfly on the front…but…it was a “so sorry for your loss” card. That is okay…I loved it!
Inside is written “I love you. How is your summer? How are you? How is your day? How are you doing? How was today? I love you very much. Love, Dalton”-- all in his penmanship. Now if that is not too sweet in itself he taped a quarter, dime, and two pennies inside. This just brought tears to my eyes. I have been sending the kids a card weekly asking them questions like Dalton asked me. I also have been sending them each a little bit of money to buy treats when they go to the gas station or to the pool. If you haven’t figured it out yet—he sent me money to buy myself something.
This is why I know that kids are priceless. An instant like this makes the struggles in life worth every moment. A child's love is worth more than anything that I have ever expierenced.
This just made me miss my kids more…
I did thank my ex-husband for helping Dalton to do this. It was Dalton's idea but someone needed to behind him to buy the card and postage.
A real friend...
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
It is the actions that seem to count the most in friendship whether they be big or small. In a time when we can chat effortlessly by text and email, talk is getting cheaper. Many people consider that the sign of true friends is what they do to show their loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, or willingness to make a sacrifice when you need help.
What do you call a good friend?
Sometimes the most cherished acts of friendship are those for which you expect to get nothing in return, not even the credit for your good deed. Isn’t that what friendship has to be about? At times at least? Or do you expect things to be 50/50?
What happens when a friend is not there when you need them to be, do you wait till they are ready or give up because they are not meeting what you need out of a friendship?
Many times I have learned the true value of friendship after it was gone. It’s sad…but true.
Disclaimer: This is not about any of my friends that read my blog. SO--if you read this here...it is NOT about you.
It is the actions that seem to count the most in friendship whether they be big or small. In a time when we can chat effortlessly by text and email, talk is getting cheaper. Many people consider that the sign of true friends is what they do to show their loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, or willingness to make a sacrifice when you need help.
What do you call a good friend?
Sometimes the most cherished acts of friendship are those for which you expect to get nothing in return, not even the credit for your good deed. Isn’t that what friendship has to be about? At times at least? Or do you expect things to be 50/50?
What happens when a friend is not there when you need them to be, do you wait till they are ready or give up because they are not meeting what you need out of a friendship?
Many times I have learned the true value of friendship after it was gone. It’s sad…but true.
Disclaimer: This is not about any of my friends that read my blog. SO--if you read this here...it is NOT about you.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
How to spot a good woman.
I found this blog on the net and I really enjoyed it and thought that some others might like it as much as I did. Below I copied and pasted the blog along with the link to the original owner. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
http://larshindsley.com/blog/_archives/2008/1/28/3490477.html
Without women the world couldn't exist. And not merely because of babies. Man needs woman like the earth needs the sun. There is no one reason which answers the question. There are a multitude of reasons. We don't need to go through them all. Men know women make life worth living, worth fighting for, worth improving for and worth sacrificing for. Some men even sacrifice their own values for a woman. That is a mighty draw.
We as men should give into such a strong desire for a woman worth that while.
What kind of woman is that?
Here is my take. She is a friend beyond all things. Someone you don't have to work at getting to know as she already knows you. While you don't have to be kindred spirits, you should know that together you feel really at peace. You don't have to impress as she is impressed with who you are already. To you high-school boys... you really should give that girl that dotes on you a chance. Stop dreaming of the prom queen and realize the one that wants you the most, will make your life most worthwhile. And when you get that down... you'll be a better man in your twenties. Once again you'll know what to look out for.
So now you in a relationship... how do you know she is a good woman? She thinks of you enough to make the bed with you instead of making up rules about who should make the bed. If she is a great cook, someone you can learn from... these are things you can't ignore.
A good woman isn't below you, but she doesn't want to leverage you either. There is a calm acceptance for who both of you are. Some like to think as a team. You don't have to be a team, but you sure has heck may find you work better as one. I mean to say, she doesn't have to be so close to you that you are swearing how you'll both never part, blah blah blah... but when things get difficult, there is no question she thinks of how to ease the pain in your life. I don't want to come off to any women reading this that it's about a subservient woman. It's expected that a man will do just as much for a woman as he hopes she will do for him. Please don't get the wrong idea ladies, but understand we men do have our own hopes and dreams. In the end, we are looking to know that when we have the right woman... we don't blow the opportunity before us.
Back to the guys... Men, are we not men? We like to be strong and provide, we like to know when the plumbing breaks or a fixture has a short, we know what to do instead of wondering what to do. A woman, a good woman appreciates this. And that is my point. You know you have a good woman when she appreciates these things you do. From the big to the little. From doing laundry to knowing you don't put bleach in with the colors. She appreciates that you pump her gas or drive in the middle of the night to get her medicine.
I've found a good woman isn't just a bit sassy, she's dignified in her words. She doesn't lose her temper with you and she doesn't insult you over your life choices. She doesn't bring her emotional baggage with her from past relationships. This is really important guys. Examine what you have... she may have had a really miserable past boyfriend or family that she wasn't close to, or she may be divorced... and when you are with her six or eight months and you are not hearing about any angst.... you must stop to smell the roses friend. This is a good woman. She is not like the others.
That is what you want right? A woman that is not like the others.
So when you come off that lost weekend, get your head straight and stop to appreciate "a good woman."
A good woman may find she needs to change for the better, but she doesn't do it for you. She does it for herself. If you need a woman to change her personality to fit you... then you have a decision to make. Accept her for what she is, or move on. There is no middle ground. You can't expect a democrat to become a republican; you can't expect someone that likes multiple sex partners to simply decide one is enough. Finding a good woman doesn't mean woman tht is not good is bad, it simple means she may not be right for you. The right one for you, can be your good woman.
Just don't accept someone that is not meant for you is what I'm arguing gentlemen. People are what they are, and acceptance works both ways. To accept someone for one or two reasons knowing that problems exist in your mind... means you will have to come back to this same decision later. You can not evade fate.
A good woman communicates. She doesn't deny emotions or let you both sleep on anger, resentment or any painful confrontation you could sort out before bed. A good woman doesn't want to go to bed mad at you.
A good woman will put a smile on your face even in the darkest times.
A good woman will try anything with you.
A good woman knows how to love. She never makes you wait too long.
A good woman wants sex more than you do. Actually... this is a great woman!
A good woman is someone your friends always complement when she isn't around.
A good woman is spiritual.
A good woman can be around the people you love most and care about them as much as she cares about you. If she is really good... those people will feel just as special.
A good woman doesn't start arguments. She even knows how to end them with dignity.
A good woman brings out the best in you.
A good woman has friends that always stay in touch... not just ones she knows for a year or so.
A good woman learns the little things that make you happy and she hardly if ever has to be asked to do them at the right time. If you ask, she doesn't make you feel guilty, she just says "yes."
A good woman is as creative as she is hard working. She knows when to relax too.
A good woman doesn't make excuses. In fact she has a open mind and usually opens up to get to the right answers; either on her own or with help.
A good woman doesn't let emotions dictate her character.
A good woman makes you laugh, even at yourself .
A said this once to a good woman... "She's like a great pop song you can't get out of your head."
A good woman thinks you are sexy. She likes to touch you or some special part of you, making you feel special. I suppose I should sum it up that she makes you feel special, not matter what way she does it, the result is you feel special. That's a great feeling. A good woman will do that for you, make you feel special.
A good woman helps you find the answers. She's encouraging and doesn't walk away.
A good woman doesn't admire lifestyles of low moral value. She doesn't admire people without substance. A good woman makes you proud she is with just you.
A good woman doesn't pretend to be cultured; she is.
A good woman make take time to get to know you, but only because she enjoys the experience...
A good woman enjoys the journey as much as you do.
A good woman knows that the big decisions sometimes solve themselves by not taking life too serious.
A good woman is your friend. I said that, but it's important to know that really is the how your day begins and ends with her.
I saved this for almost last.... because this one is not just a good woman... this one is a great woman. A great woman can say she is sorry. She can admit her mistake or mistakes. She can come to you and say she understands what she has in you or had in you should you even get to such an unfortunate place. Of course a great woman doesn't let a relationship capsize to that point. A great woman is great because she can say she was wrong. She can say she is sorry.
Should you have a woman like this in your life... you have a great woman.
The only bad thing I can say about a good woman is that she takes the fun out of being alone. But should you be alone... if she is still a part of your life... you are never lonely.
http://larshindsley.com/blog/_archives/2008/1/28/3490477.html
Without women the world couldn't exist. And not merely because of babies. Man needs woman like the earth needs the sun. There is no one reason which answers the question. There are a multitude of reasons. We don't need to go through them all. Men know women make life worth living, worth fighting for, worth improving for and worth sacrificing for. Some men even sacrifice their own values for a woman. That is a mighty draw.
We as men should give into such a strong desire for a woman worth that while.
What kind of woman is that?
Here is my take. She is a friend beyond all things. Someone you don't have to work at getting to know as she already knows you. While you don't have to be kindred spirits, you should know that together you feel really at peace. You don't have to impress as she is impressed with who you are already. To you high-school boys... you really should give that girl that dotes on you a chance. Stop dreaming of the prom queen and realize the one that wants you the most, will make your life most worthwhile. And when you get that down... you'll be a better man in your twenties. Once again you'll know what to look out for.
So now you in a relationship... how do you know she is a good woman? She thinks of you enough to make the bed with you instead of making up rules about who should make the bed. If she is a great cook, someone you can learn from... these are things you can't ignore.
A good woman isn't below you, but she doesn't want to leverage you either. There is a calm acceptance for who both of you are. Some like to think as a team. You don't have to be a team, but you sure has heck may find you work better as one. I mean to say, she doesn't have to be so close to you that you are swearing how you'll both never part, blah blah blah... but when things get difficult, there is no question she thinks of how to ease the pain in your life. I don't want to come off to any women reading this that it's about a subservient woman. It's expected that a man will do just as much for a woman as he hopes she will do for him. Please don't get the wrong idea ladies, but understand we men do have our own hopes and dreams. In the end, we are looking to know that when we have the right woman... we don't blow the opportunity before us.
Back to the guys... Men, are we not men? We like to be strong and provide, we like to know when the plumbing breaks or a fixture has a short, we know what to do instead of wondering what to do. A woman, a good woman appreciates this. And that is my point. You know you have a good woman when she appreciates these things you do. From the big to the little. From doing laundry to knowing you don't put bleach in with the colors. She appreciates that you pump her gas or drive in the middle of the night to get her medicine.
I've found a good woman isn't just a bit sassy, she's dignified in her words. She doesn't lose her temper with you and she doesn't insult you over your life choices. She doesn't bring her emotional baggage with her from past relationships. This is really important guys. Examine what you have... she may have had a really miserable past boyfriend or family that she wasn't close to, or she may be divorced... and when you are with her six or eight months and you are not hearing about any angst.... you must stop to smell the roses friend. This is a good woman. She is not like the others.
That is what you want right? A woman that is not like the others.
So when you come off that lost weekend, get your head straight and stop to appreciate "a good woman."
A good woman may find she needs to change for the better, but she doesn't do it for you. She does it for herself. If you need a woman to change her personality to fit you... then you have a decision to make. Accept her for what she is, or move on. There is no middle ground. You can't expect a democrat to become a republican; you can't expect someone that likes multiple sex partners to simply decide one is enough. Finding a good woman doesn't mean woman tht is not good is bad, it simple means she may not be right for you. The right one for you, can be your good woman.
Just don't accept someone that is not meant for you is what I'm arguing gentlemen. People are what they are, and acceptance works both ways. To accept someone for one or two reasons knowing that problems exist in your mind... means you will have to come back to this same decision later. You can not evade fate.
A good woman communicates. She doesn't deny emotions or let you both sleep on anger, resentment or any painful confrontation you could sort out before bed. A good woman doesn't want to go to bed mad at you.
A good woman will put a smile on your face even in the darkest times.
A good woman will try anything with you.
A good woman knows how to love. She never makes you wait too long.
A good woman wants sex more than you do. Actually... this is a great woman!
A good woman is someone your friends always complement when she isn't around.
A good woman is spiritual.
A good woman can be around the people you love most and care about them as much as she cares about you. If she is really good... those people will feel just as special.
A good woman doesn't start arguments. She even knows how to end them with dignity.
A good woman brings out the best in you.
A good woman has friends that always stay in touch... not just ones she knows for a year or so.
A good woman learns the little things that make you happy and she hardly if ever has to be asked to do them at the right time. If you ask, she doesn't make you feel guilty, she just says "yes."
A good woman is as creative as she is hard working. She knows when to relax too.
A good woman doesn't make excuses. In fact she has a open mind and usually opens up to get to the right answers; either on her own or with help.
A good woman doesn't let emotions dictate her character.
A good woman makes you laugh, even at yourself .
A said this once to a good woman... "She's like a great pop song you can't get out of your head."
A good woman thinks you are sexy. She likes to touch you or some special part of you, making you feel special. I suppose I should sum it up that she makes you feel special, not matter what way she does it, the result is you feel special. That's a great feeling. A good woman will do that for you, make you feel special.
A good woman helps you find the answers. She's encouraging and doesn't walk away.
A good woman doesn't admire lifestyles of low moral value. She doesn't admire people without substance. A good woman makes you proud she is with just you.
A good woman doesn't pretend to be cultured; she is.
A good woman make take time to get to know you, but only because she enjoys the experience...
A good woman enjoys the journey as much as you do.
A good woman knows that the big decisions sometimes solve themselves by not taking life too serious.
A good woman is your friend. I said that, but it's important to know that really is the how your day begins and ends with her.
I saved this for almost last.... because this one is not just a good woman... this one is a great woman. A great woman can say she is sorry. She can admit her mistake or mistakes. She can come to you and say she understands what she has in you or had in you should you even get to such an unfortunate place. Of course a great woman doesn't let a relationship capsize to that point. A great woman is great because she can say she was wrong. She can say she is sorry.
Should you have a woman like this in your life... you have a great woman.
The only bad thing I can say about a good woman is that she takes the fun out of being alone. But should you be alone... if she is still a part of your life... you are never lonely.
Horoscopes...
Do you believe in horoscopes? I read mine on occasion and today I did just that.
My horoscope is as follows "You cannot be responsible for the behavior of other people -- don't feel obligated." It than goes on to state "You need to be a bit more careful when it comes to your work or school situation -- but your instincts will guide you in the right direction. If you're not picking up on their signals, find a quiet space to think."
Hmmm...it pretty much nailed my day. I have recently become involved in a situation that I put myself in--between friends. I wish that I wouldn't have but it happened and I can't take it back.
Lately all I have been thinking about is school and having that failing grade, amongst a few other issues in my life. I have been truly thinking about dropping my summer term and starting fresh in winter. I suppose I must "find a quiet space to think" about what I really need to do. Which in theory it sounds easy and practical but how do I get the other racing thoughts out of my head? Any ideas?
My horoscope is as follows "You cannot be responsible for the behavior of other people -- don't feel obligated." It than goes on to state "You need to be a bit more careful when it comes to your work or school situation -- but your instincts will guide you in the right direction. If you're not picking up on their signals, find a quiet space to think."
Hmmm...it pretty much nailed my day. I have recently become involved in a situation that I put myself in--between friends. I wish that I wouldn't have but it happened and I can't take it back.
Lately all I have been thinking about is school and having that failing grade, amongst a few other issues in my life. I have been truly thinking about dropping my summer term and starting fresh in winter. I suppose I must "find a quiet space to think" about what I really need to do. Which in theory it sounds easy and practical but how do I get the other racing thoughts out of my head? Any ideas?
More work than what I bargained for...
I started to clean out my basement. Now this is going to be a heavy job. There is boxes, suitcases, milk crates, an antique stove, and many random items to be removed so I can sweep mop and possibly paint the ground and walls that…oh what’s it called…garage floor paint? I don’t know. I do know this is more work than what I wanted to do.
So far I only got up a few boxes, posters, one suitcase, a laundry basket, and a TV tray. I have been nosily going through the stuff as I take it to the curb. So it is definitely taking more time than what I assumed. I found a complete set of Encyclopedias. I don’t know from what year….but I think I might put those on a bookcase on the back porch for the kids. In a box that was kept up off the ground I found some really old history books that are amazing, they are going to be next to the Encylopedias. I threw away many boxes of books so far. I would have loved to gone through them but they kept them in the basement and well…most of them are ruined from moisture. I am running a dehumidifier at all time and it seems to be working great down there.
Hmm…there is about five years of the original Nintendo magazines in milk crates and so much Star Wars stuff like posters and life size cutouts. Paint by the gallons and rugs that should have been thrown out forty some years ago. Now that is the stuff that I visually seen without looking into depth but of course there is an over abundance of garbage to; Beer bottles (which are not mine), Styrofoam, canned food, etc.
Since I have been down there I now feel cobwebs all over me now. And there are none on me. It gives me the heebie-jeebies!
I have a lot more work to do down there. It will get done….eventually.
Tianas’ room is located down there but it doesn’t seem to be affected by the normal moisture smell. Maybe because it is a finished room and I guess it has all the proper venting and with me running a dehumidifier at all times I can only assume that helps. When it is said and done she will have an amazing area. After I get it cleaned up and possibly painted I will get her ‘art studio’ set up.
I am keeping the back portion of the basement for storage. This area is out of sight of Tianas’ room and where her art area will be. I might be nice and hang a curtain up so she doesn’t have to see my mess at all.
Hmmm…has anyone else noticed that I am stalling because I don’t want to go back down there?
So far I only got up a few boxes, posters, one suitcase, a laundry basket, and a TV tray. I have been nosily going through the stuff as I take it to the curb. So it is definitely taking more time than what I assumed. I found a complete set of Encyclopedias. I don’t know from what year….but I think I might put those on a bookcase on the back porch for the kids. In a box that was kept up off the ground I found some really old history books that are amazing, they are going to be next to the Encylopedias. I threw away many boxes of books so far. I would have loved to gone through them but they kept them in the basement and well…most of them are ruined from moisture. I am running a dehumidifier at all time and it seems to be working great down there.
Hmm…there is about five years of the original Nintendo magazines in milk crates and so much Star Wars stuff like posters and life size cutouts. Paint by the gallons and rugs that should have been thrown out forty some years ago. Now that is the stuff that I visually seen without looking into depth but of course there is an over abundance of garbage to; Beer bottles (which are not mine), Styrofoam, canned food, etc.
Since I have been down there I now feel cobwebs all over me now. And there are none on me. It gives me the heebie-jeebies!
I have a lot more work to do down there. It will get done….eventually.
Tianas’ room is located down there but it doesn’t seem to be affected by the normal moisture smell. Maybe because it is a finished room and I guess it has all the proper venting and with me running a dehumidifier at all times I can only assume that helps. When it is said and done she will have an amazing area. After I get it cleaned up and possibly painted I will get her ‘art studio’ set up.
I am keeping the back portion of the basement for storage. This area is out of sight of Tianas’ room and where her art area will be. I might be nice and hang a curtain up so she doesn’t have to see my mess at all.
Hmmm…has anyone else noticed that I am stalling because I don’t want to go back down there?
Can this really work?
So how cool would it be to not have to buy laundry detergent anymore? I’d love it! I definitely go through my share of laundry detergent a month. I even have to buy special type of detergent for Ian beings his skin is so sensitive.
Well I visited someone that had this machine hooked to their washing machine. They were telling me this machine makes it so they don’t have to use laundry detergent anymore. I thought they were pulling my leg. I obviously didn’t believe them.
It drove me nuts that I didn’t know what the lighted up box was attached the wall behind the washing machine was. So here I am on the internet and I came across a site that shows me what that mighty little box is.
“LaundryPure hooks up to a wash machine to treat incoming water with silver ions for killing odor-causing bacteria, and the cleaning power of oxygen and bubbling peroxides to break down and lift away grime, without the need for detergent or hot water.”
Well I visited someone that had this machine hooked to their washing machine. They were telling me this machine makes it so they don’t have to use laundry detergent anymore. I thought they were pulling my leg. I obviously didn’t believe them.
It drove me nuts that I didn’t know what the lighted up box was attached the wall behind the washing machine was. So here I am on the internet and I came across a site that shows me what that mighty little box is.
“LaundryPure hooks up to a wash machine to treat incoming water with silver ions for killing odor-causing bacteria, and the cleaning power of oxygen and bubbling peroxides to break down and lift away grime, without the need for detergent or hot water.”
More information at http://www.thelaundrypure.net/Default.aspx?tabid=66
By golly it was exactly what they said it was. Hmmm...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Old Love
Tonight I ran to Wal-Mart for a specific item…that I can’t mention…yet…but they didn’t have it. So I did some random back to school shopping for the kids. I got most of their supplies besides notebooks and scissors. It was odd really, they didn’t have them either!
Anyway, I wandered around the store mostly out of boredom and did some people watching. Have you ever just watched people and how they act? I am guilty. I enjoy seeing different people and how they react to situations. Like the parent who’s kid is throwing a fit and wanting a toy. I am shocked on how many parents give in and give the brat the toy. I can say brat because I have kids of my own and my kids have acted that way in public. I won’t get started on parenting…not at this moment.
I seen a couple that just made my heart smile. They had to be in their late 60’s or early 70’s, well that is my best guess. You could just see the love they had for each other. I don’t see many older couples holding hands and watching these gray-haired lovebirds do just that-- made me smile. I can only hope that I will be that lucky at that age.
Needless to say Wal-Mart did not have what I was looking for so tomorrow I will have to try Target.
Anyway, I wandered around the store mostly out of boredom and did some people watching. Have you ever just watched people and how they act? I am guilty. I enjoy seeing different people and how they react to situations. Like the parent who’s kid is throwing a fit and wanting a toy. I am shocked on how many parents give in and give the brat the toy. I can say brat because I have kids of my own and my kids have acted that way in public. I won’t get started on parenting…not at this moment.
I seen a couple that just made my heart smile. They had to be in their late 60’s or early 70’s, well that is my best guess. You could just see the love they had for each other. I don’t see many older couples holding hands and watching these gray-haired lovebirds do just that-- made me smile. I can only hope that I will be that lucky at that age.
Needless to say Wal-Mart did not have what I was looking for so tomorrow I will have to try Target.
It's good to be home...
I am home!
I am very glad to be home. I had a great time…seriously. There is always something about getting back home though.
The first night we met up with some people to drink some bud lights and light off some fireworks. I must have been feeling good because I actually drove a dirt bike. I have never been on one alone before…scary I know! What I remember of it…it was fun. I do, however, remember getting laughed at….a lot! I’m sure they had to have lots of patience to put up with me that night.
The next day I had a few hours by myself so I took advantage and soaked in the tub. It felt great. Afterwards I went for a walk with Prince Crete and came back to meet for supper and did some fabulous shopping. I will have to go back for the shopping. We had a great supper and even took a carriage ride. It has been years since I did that. Of course the night ended with a few drinks and a rented pay-per-view movie….nothing dirty-- Geez!!
I forgot to mention that I am sunburned and of course somebody thinks it is funny to lightly tap my red painful shoulders. Hmmm…
We made equally good time back home as we did on the trip down. It was a great time but now I have to get back to reality. I have a basement to clean and two study guides to get done. If I don’t pass my tests this week…I am dropping classes. I have no choice really. I will go back but I don’t want the failing grades to affect my GPA which is 3.63 currently. Ugh…that is why I am so frustrated with failing those classes.
Anyway, I get dropped off at home and I see something on my clothesline. Now, I don’t hang clothes outside so I don’t even have clothespins ….hmmm….interesting. So I walk closer and whatever it is…it’s huge! I get to where I can see the item dangling from the line and I bust out laughing. Here is a picture…
I am very glad to be home. I had a great time…seriously. There is always something about getting back home though.
The first night we met up with some people to drink some bud lights and light off some fireworks. I must have been feeling good because I actually drove a dirt bike. I have never been on one alone before…scary I know! What I remember of it…it was fun. I do, however, remember getting laughed at….a lot! I’m sure they had to have lots of patience to put up with me that night.
The next day I had a few hours by myself so I took advantage and soaked in the tub. It felt great. Afterwards I went for a walk with Prince Crete and came back to meet for supper and did some fabulous shopping. I will have to go back for the shopping. We had a great supper and even took a carriage ride. It has been years since I did that. Of course the night ended with a few drinks and a rented pay-per-view movie….nothing dirty-- Geez!!
Disclaimer: For cusious minds...I had my own bed.
I forgot to mention that I am sunburned and of course somebody thinks it is funny to lightly tap my red painful shoulders. Hmmm…
We made equally good time back home as we did on the trip down. It was a great time but now I have to get back to reality. I have a basement to clean and two study guides to get done. If I don’t pass my tests this week…I am dropping classes. I have no choice really. I will go back but I don’t want the failing grades to affect my GPA which is 3.63 currently. Ugh…that is why I am so frustrated with failing those classes.
Anyway, I get dropped off at home and I see something on my clothesline. Now, I don’t hang clothes outside so I don’t even have clothespins ….hmmm….interesting. So I walk closer and whatever it is…it’s huge! I get to where I can see the item dangling from the line and I bust out laughing. Here is a picture…
My friend decided to order a special pair of underwear to display at my house in honor of the underwear tree the other night. I laughed so much and decided I would keep them up for a bit just to keep me smiling when I walk on by.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Made good time...
Well we made the trip down in good time. All in all it went pretty smoothly. Today I have a few hours to hang out by myself so I thought that I would get on to quickly post.
Nothing really exciting to comment upon just yet.
Enjoyed some beers last night, lit some fireworks, and there was some dirt bike action. <---yeah...that is scary to say the least!
I will be coming home tomorrow sometime. But I wanted to wish everyone a great weekend!
Nothing really exciting to comment upon just yet.
Enjoyed some beers last night, lit some fireworks, and there was some dirt bike action. <---yeah...that is scary to say the least!
I will be coming home tomorrow sometime. But I wanted to wish everyone a great weekend!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Attitude is everything.
I can’t say how much my previous post “Listen to your heart and follow your dreams” is true. I decided to be miserable and than decided that I was going to change my mood. I did just that. I want to be happy. I want to smile and mean something. So I started to smile and people have shown that I do mean something.
I stated “actions speak louder than words” in a different post and what I forgot was people also perceive my non-verbal communication more than my verbal. I am sure that lately I put off the vibe of being unhappy, sad, and well I just didn’t want to be bothered. Now if you talked to me I surely said that I was fine and everything was well and that you are not a nuisance—which is true--but my non-verbal communication was telling a different story.
I changed my actions to coincide with my spoken words. I started to act happy and be happy. It seriously made a huge difference.
In fact…on another note…my Magic 8ball was correct again! I received a call from the Family Recovery Unit at the hospital and was offered the job. Bonus—no overnights! I will be working second shift which is going to be slightly difficult but manageable. I will have to work every other weekend and a few nights during the week. Hopefully it all works out and I just don’t fall over from exhaustion.
And heck, how can I not be happy? I have great kids, great friends, and great family.
I stated “actions speak louder than words” in a different post and what I forgot was people also perceive my non-verbal communication more than my verbal. I am sure that lately I put off the vibe of being unhappy, sad, and well I just didn’t want to be bothered. Now if you talked to me I surely said that I was fine and everything was well and that you are not a nuisance—which is true--but my non-verbal communication was telling a different story.
I changed my actions to coincide with my spoken words. I started to act happy and be happy. It seriously made a huge difference.
In fact…on another note…my Magic 8ball was correct again! I received a call from the Family Recovery Unit at the hospital and was offered the job. Bonus—no overnights! I will be working second shift which is going to be slightly difficult but manageable. I will have to work every other weekend and a few nights during the week. Hopefully it all works out and I just don’t fall over from exhaustion.
And heck, how can I not be happy? I have great kids, great friends, and great family.
If I go...
Just a quick note saying that if I go to Kansas City I will be leaving tomorrow and will be back Saturday or Sunday. I plan on going if I can find someone to watch Prince Crete for me.
If I can't find a housesitter for him...than I will be homebound...
So just letting my avid readers know that I may not be posting for a few days. I might try to post if I am able to get my hands on a computer. Which I think he is bringing his laptop. So the possibility is out there. :)
If you don't hear from me (which I believe I will be on tonight) enjoy the remainder of your week and have a fun weekend!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Rained out!
Well I needed to mow my grass today...After a few days of rain it made it grow fast…
I just came in from ‘attempting’ to mow and let’s say without thinking I gave a neighbor a show. This is embarrassing!
I was and am in my pajamas and thought I should go out and at least mow my back yard because it was getting pretty high. Well, when I say my pajamas, I mean some pajama shorts and a tank top….without undergarments…nothing like setting up the story.
Anyway, I started to mow and got the back yard done and even though the sky was getting dark and it was thundering I thought that I would get as much as I could. I was up front and it started to pour and my poor neighbor was outside sitting on his deck under his nice big umbrella. I shut off the mower, obviously, I can’t mow anymore. My nice neighbor made a cute ‘lil comment and asked me if I would come mow his grass. Thinking nothing of it, I still didn’t understand what was going on till I looked down. Talk about an uncomfortable situation.
I got the lawn mower put up and now in the house….dry…
I just came in from ‘attempting’ to mow and let’s say without thinking I gave a neighbor a show. This is embarrassing!
I was and am in my pajamas and thought I should go out and at least mow my back yard because it was getting pretty high. Well, when I say my pajamas, I mean some pajama shorts and a tank top….without undergarments…nothing like setting up the story.
Anyway, I started to mow and got the back yard done and even though the sky was getting dark and it was thundering I thought that I would get as much as I could. I was up front and it started to pour and my poor neighbor was outside sitting on his deck under his nice big umbrella. I shut off the mower, obviously, I can’t mow anymore. My nice neighbor made a cute ‘lil comment and asked me if I would come mow his grass. Thinking nothing of it, I still didn’t understand what was going on till I looked down. Talk about an uncomfortable situation.
I got the lawn mower put up and now in the house….dry…
Monday, July 7, 2008
Warning.
Tonight I got asked to go on a weekend get-a-way to Kansas City for this upcoming weekend. I have never actually been there. Well I have driven through Kansas City on my trip to Texas. I haven't decided quite yet if I will be going or not. I have been trying to think of a reason not to go...and I can't come up with one. So there is a good chance that later this week/weekend I might go a day or two with out posting. No fear, I will be back and more than likely with a story or two. Who knows I might even make the time to quickly post while I am there. I just wanted my avid readers to know. Don't want you to go hunt me down! ;) LMAO
I must be intoxicated.
Somehow I know I will regret this. Here are some photos of me. Yup, they are. I was seventeen. These were taken before I got pregnant with Tiana. Boy things have changed. If only I knew than what I know now...things would have been different...
Some good memories with the kids.
Above is one of my favorite stories to tell about my youngest, Dalton. We were at Disney in line to meet Mickey Mouse. Every kids dream, right? Well Dalton to say the least is not shy, never has been. He was standing next to me while we waited in the HOT sun in a line that NEVER moved. All of the sudden I hear people behind me laughing. I turn to see what was going on and there is my son with his shorts down peeing on Mickey Mouse's pumpkins. These are not any pumpkins they are shaped with Mickey Mouse ears and all. I yelled "Dalton!" and he pulled his pants up as fast as he could...and as you can tell he wasn't done. You can tell by the picture below that he was angry at me. He was embarassed. This story always makes me smile. And Dalton tells it better than what I do. :)
Below is a picture of Ian between 4 and 5 years old.. I can't believe how much he has grown. We were at the Omaha Zoo, in Omaha, NE. The best zoo I have been to. This was taken in the jungle. We always enjoyed our trips there. Seriously it is a great zoo. Ian loved the zoo more than any of my kids.
Down below is my favorite picture of Dalton. It was also taken in the jungle at the Omaha Zoo. Now that is a face a mama can love. Dalton had to be between 2 and 3 in this picture.
Down below is my favorite picture of Dalton. It was also taken in the jungle at the Omaha Zoo. Now that is a face a mama can love. Dalton had to be between 2 and 3 in this picture.
Tiana in her very first go-cart. Got to teach them young. This was in Yankton, SD. She was only 3 1/2 years old. Lets say I was thankful she was the only one on the track!
Never again...
Here is the very last picture taken of the four of us siblings. From left to right: Joey, Heidi, Me, Holly. Ah! Guess what?! I was pregnant with Ian in this picture!! So this had to be in 1999. This is a rare bird...there will never be another picture of the four of us again.
Me pregnant...what a sight...
Here I am in December of 1997. Just days before I became a mom. My brother and I were comparing bellies.I think I won! ;)
Below I am with husband number two in St. Louis, Mo. At the time I was pregnant with my youngest, Dalton. This would be in 2001.
Now, I haven't came across any pictures of me pregnant with Ian...yet. If I do I might put one up. I do know that I am more than likely going to regret doing this....
A night to forget...
Daytona Speedway
Daytona Speedway....
See...you got me looking through pictures. Now you are in trouble! haha! I haven't found the one of my enduro car...yet...but be it known I am looking...
To possibly be continued...
I am in a great mood and I am having a great day.
Hopefully I will get on to post about my encounter with a "cult".
I have paperwork to get started and well care plans and patient teaching to get done.
If I don't forget--I will try to write about my day...
Smile...it's good to be you! :)
Hopefully I will get on to post about my encounter with a "cult".
I have paperwork to get started and well care plans and patient teaching to get done.
If I don't forget--I will try to write about my day...
Smile...it's good to be you! :)
Where would I be if I was not me?
Do you have days where you want to close your eyes, spread out your arms, and just spin in circles? I do. And today is one of those days. I want to forget about being a grown-up. I want to disregard all responsibilities. I, today, want to be free. Free of all thoughts...
But than I open my eyes, reality hits, and the thoughts come flooding through.
I want to scream off a rooftop. I want the whole world to know that I’m losing myself…who I am. Than the rational, responsible side of me takes over. I’m me, nothing more and nothing less.
I don’t know why I passionately want to be something else than what I am. I like me; I am a good person and I have a kind heart. But I fantasize about being someone else just to be different than whom I am.
How would my life differ if I was not passive but I was aggresive? What if I wasn't patient and understanding? How about if I was outspoken or argumentative?
Hmm..just a little thought...would I be happier?
But than I open my eyes, reality hits, and the thoughts come flooding through.
I want to scream off a rooftop. I want the whole world to know that I’m losing myself…who I am. Than the rational, responsible side of me takes over. I’m me, nothing more and nothing less.
I don’t know why I passionately want to be something else than what I am. I like me; I am a good person and I have a kind heart. But I fantasize about being someone else just to be different than whom I am.
How would my life differ if I was not passive but I was aggresive? What if I wasn't patient and understanding? How about if I was outspoken or argumentative?
Hmm..just a little thought...would I be happier?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Listen to your heart and follow your dreams...
It is funny how you map out your life; at least I have had thoughts of where I wanted my life to be at this age, maybe not a concrete map. I am getting close to thirty and I always pictured myself married and with kids in the quaint little town and everything was just wonderful. Now that is not my life at all. I am not married and everything is not always wonderful.
What I am coming to realize is that I don’t need a marriage or a relationship to be happy…well I have known that for awhile now. But I guess I decided that is not top of the map of my life anymore. I am completely happy with friendship. What is wrong with that? Nothing. I am finding out that you can rearrange your life map to fit who you are at different cross roads in life.
They say “when life hands you lemons--make lemonade.” I never really caught on to that concept till recently. It seemed that life was throwing those yellow fruits at me…even when my back was turned. I was afraid to open my door or answer my phone because there just might be a down pour of lemons.
This is not how I want to live. This is not part of my life map. I decided that I brought some of the lemons in my life unnecessarily. It is hard to admit. A good example is that my feelings were hurt because someone felt the same way I did? How does that work? That is just plain silly on my part. Why was it okay for me to feel that way but when the other person did…I felt rejected. This created avoidable unhappiness for me. Who in their right mind wants to be unhappy?
I had a friend a few years ago that helped me through my divorce and they gave me great advice, but at the time I didn’t understand. “Breathe, just breathe. That is all you have to do." Today I understand that advice, whole-heartedly. All I have to do is breathe.
So my new way of thinking is “Listen to your heart and follow your dreams”. Always keep in mind that your life map can change and just because something doesn’t fit--doesn’t mean it is wrong. Remember nothing is certain and nothing is written in stone. You make your own happiness and it is not someone else’s responsibility to make your life full of meaning. I decided to be miserable the last few weeks but not anymore.
Life can bring those lemons because darn it—I like lemonade!
What I am coming to realize is that I don’t need a marriage or a relationship to be happy…well I have known that for awhile now. But I guess I decided that is not top of the map of my life anymore. I am completely happy with friendship. What is wrong with that? Nothing. I am finding out that you can rearrange your life map to fit who you are at different cross roads in life.
They say “when life hands you lemons--make lemonade.” I never really caught on to that concept till recently. It seemed that life was throwing those yellow fruits at me…even when my back was turned. I was afraid to open my door or answer my phone because there just might be a down pour of lemons.
This is not how I want to live. This is not part of my life map. I decided that I brought some of the lemons in my life unnecessarily. It is hard to admit. A good example is that my feelings were hurt because someone felt the same way I did? How does that work? That is just plain silly on my part. Why was it okay for me to feel that way but when the other person did…I felt rejected. This created avoidable unhappiness for me. Who in their right mind wants to be unhappy?
I had a friend a few years ago that helped me through my divorce and they gave me great advice, but at the time I didn’t understand. “Breathe, just breathe. That is all you have to do." Today I understand that advice, whole-heartedly. All I have to do is breathe.
So my new way of thinking is “Listen to your heart and follow your dreams”. Always keep in mind that your life map can change and just because something doesn’t fit--doesn’t mean it is wrong. Remember nothing is certain and nothing is written in stone. You make your own happiness and it is not someone else’s responsibility to make your life full of meaning. I decided to be miserable the last few weeks but not anymore.
Life can bring those lemons because darn it—I like lemonade!
Could I live the life of a hermit?
When your day goes from bad to living hell…..that is how today is panning up for me. First thing this morning I am attacked by ex-husband, number deuce. Its two days now that he got the better of me. Seriously fighting is the furthest thing from my mind. I am mentally exhausted. I don’t like to show my emotions often to people but this last month has really knocked me down. I will be fine and hopefully get out of my ‘funk’ soon.
I may have said I don’t like to show my emotions but I did today. I am ashamed to say I was a cry baby. I really care how others view me. I want to be known as a nice and caring individual. Haven got called all the names that I did today really have taken its toll on me. My self confidence and my character has both went south. I think I seriously contemplated becoming a hermit today. How crazy is that? I think I am off my rocker. I so bad wanted to hear that I wasn’t worthless and that I meant something to someone. I know that I am a good person and I know that I mean something to people. It was just that exact moment in time that I needed to hear it from someone, anyone.
If I learned anything in nursing school it would be communication. People perceive non-verbal signs of communication much more than the actual spoken words. Hand gestures, tone, pitch, facial expressions, and just how interested the person is when they are talking are all taken into consideration. I learned today that sometimes no matter how much it hurts to just let go…that sometimes it is for the best.
I take what people say in consideration but I take their actions to heart. Which reminds me that old saying “actions speak louder than words” is nothing but the truth.
I know this post doesn’t make a lot of sense and it is not supposed to. I left out a huge chunk of why I feel the way I do. I don’t believe in airing dirty laundry and I would never put someone’s integrity in question for the world to see.
I may have said I don’t like to show my emotions but I did today. I am ashamed to say I was a cry baby. I really care how others view me. I want to be known as a nice and caring individual. Haven got called all the names that I did today really have taken its toll on me. My self confidence and my character has both went south. I think I seriously contemplated becoming a hermit today. How crazy is that? I think I am off my rocker. I so bad wanted to hear that I wasn’t worthless and that I meant something to someone. I know that I am a good person and I know that I mean something to people. It was just that exact moment in time that I needed to hear it from someone, anyone.
If I learned anything in nursing school it would be communication. People perceive non-verbal signs of communication much more than the actual spoken words. Hand gestures, tone, pitch, facial expressions, and just how interested the person is when they are talking are all taken into consideration. I learned today that sometimes no matter how much it hurts to just let go…that sometimes it is for the best.
I take what people say in consideration but I take their actions to heart. Which reminds me that old saying “actions speak louder than words” is nothing but the truth.
I know this post doesn’t make a lot of sense and it is not supposed to. I left out a huge chunk of why I feel the way I do. I don’t believe in airing dirty laundry and I would never put someone’s integrity in question for the world to see.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
A Virtual Tour.
MY HOUSE
I don't think you can notice on this picture but there are branches on the roof that I have tried to get down multiple times...I can't take my hands off the ladder. It's silly I know. But I did learn how to trim the hedges. Pretty soon I will shape them like swans or something.
Here is where I spend the majority of my day at home. My bedroom. The walls are painted 'Ole Swimming Hole blue. Everyone thought I was nuts! I am, but I do love my new room.
When laying on my bed I watch TV on this little 20 inch screen. It doesn't bother me a bit. Infact I prefer watching TV in bed rather than out on the couch.
This is where I am right now. At my computer, which is tucked in that computer hutch. The chase lounge is where I actually do a lot of my reading. And if you look really closely on top of the computer hutch you can see my Magic 8Ball!When I am not in my bedroom I am usually found at the kitchen table doing homework or chatting with friends.
My livingroom, is pictured below, I am never in it. I think the TV has been turned on once since I moved in and that was when I watched a movie with a friend. As you can tell I like giraffes!
Here is a picture of the boys room. Chinese Latern orange. They wanted "fire flames". Well this is pictures of what thier room did look like. I just got rid of those beds yesterday and put up bunkbeds. It gives them more room to play. But you get the point. I am trying to get or reproduce a mural of what a race car driver sees through their rearview mirror.
My daughter's room was painted "Fairy Lily". She and I both love butterflies so ofcourse her room is filled with different butterflies. I just put together an armoire for her room, which turned out to be great. I am in the process of making her a little area in the basement for an "art studio". She wants to be either an artist or an art teacher.
Thank you for letting me give you a glimpse inside...
Welcome to my world...
Beings I am trying to post a little something that happens in my life everyday and so far what is going in my life is as follows (in no particular order):
1. I miss my kids, terribly.
2. I lost a friendship from someone that I held dear to my heart.
3. My daughter’s heart was broken by my ex-husband, not her biological dad, but the person that raised her.
4. I am failing a class.
Now don’t get me wrong I have a lot of positives in my life. I am genuinely a happy person and I am content in my life. I’m not a ‘Negative Nancy’. I enjoy life and what life has to offer.
1. I miss my kids, terribly. Well that statement is obvious. They have been away since the last day of school on June 6th. My kids haven’t been gone a month and I’m lost without them. They won’t be home for another thirty-six days, but who is counting?
2. Over a year and a half ago I met a guy and through the months we became great friends. One of those friendships that don’t come around every day. Anyway, we tried to date and it didn’t work out. We never fought and we got along great, but to him there were no feelings to build on. It hurt my feelings, I won’t lie. I lived but now I miss our friendship and I'm not sure if he does. So I'm not sure if there is anything can be done.
3. My daughter loves my ex husband just like any of us loves the man that raised them. She gets treated different from the boys beings they are his actual children. She notices this and it hurts her feelings. She at times is torn between wanting to see this man, her dad, and staying behind because of the differences. She doesn’t understand the situation. Fourth of July she got to see this man as he truly is and it broke her heart. Let’s just say I pride myself on not cursing or calling my ex husband names, but he got an earful last night. I’m not proud of letting him get the best of me but it happened.
4. This term has been extremely difficult for me. I can’t seem to get into the mode of retaining any information. I have failed my first test. It was a horrible feeling. I studied for 3-4 hours the night before and to get that failing grade…sucks! So for the next test I have read the chapters and all notes given, answered the chapter reviews, filled out the study guides and failed again. Pathetic. I don’t know if I have too many distractions in life at the time or if I am not getting the material.
Anyway, that is a short summation of what is in my brain today.
1. I miss my kids, terribly.
2. I lost a friendship from someone that I held dear to my heart.
3. My daughter’s heart was broken by my ex-husband, not her biological dad, but the person that raised her.
4. I am failing a class.
Now don’t get me wrong I have a lot of positives in my life. I am genuinely a happy person and I am content in my life. I’m not a ‘Negative Nancy’. I enjoy life and what life has to offer.
1. I miss my kids, terribly. Well that statement is obvious. They have been away since the last day of school on June 6th. My kids haven’t been gone a month and I’m lost without them. They won’t be home for another thirty-six days, but who is counting?
2. Over a year and a half ago I met a guy and through the months we became great friends. One of those friendships that don’t come around every day. Anyway, we tried to date and it didn’t work out. We never fought and we got along great, but to him there were no feelings to build on. It hurt my feelings, I won’t lie. I lived but now I miss our friendship and I'm not sure if he does. So I'm not sure if there is anything can be done.
3. My daughter loves my ex husband just like any of us loves the man that raised them. She gets treated different from the boys beings they are his actual children. She notices this and it hurts her feelings. She at times is torn between wanting to see this man, her dad, and staying behind because of the differences. She doesn’t understand the situation. Fourth of July she got to see this man as he truly is and it broke her heart. Let’s just say I pride myself on not cursing or calling my ex husband names, but he got an earful last night. I’m not proud of letting him get the best of me but it happened.
4. This term has been extremely difficult for me. I can’t seem to get into the mode of retaining any information. I have failed my first test. It was a horrible feeling. I studied for 3-4 hours the night before and to get that failing grade…sucks! So for the next test I have read the chapters and all notes given, answered the chapter reviews, filled out the study guides and failed again. Pathetic. I don’t know if I have too many distractions in life at the time or if I am not getting the material.
Anyway, that is a short summation of what is in my brain today.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Ew....ah...oh...they were b-e-a-u-tiful!
Ew…ah…oh… I repeated this over and over during the amazing firework show that I watched tonight. They had an array of different colors, shapes, and sounds. I stood in amazement. My best friend told me that my next husband should propose with fireworks. I laughed…marriage is the last thing on my mind. Seriously…wouldn’t I have to have a guy in my life first? LOL I did propose to her and told her we could run to California and get married. I wouldn’t mind saying I have had 3 marriages; 2 ex husbands and an ex wife. Of course I wouldn’t just get married to get divorced. And I am not interested in having a female partner….yet. I mean if the men aren’t working out maybe sometime in the future. ;)
Anyway, tonight was a great night. We grilled out some New York strips, onions, and corn-on-the-cob. We made fruit salad, macaroni salad, and potato salad. The food was delicious! We followed it with some s’mores and margaritas. I didn’t drink much at all. Just was not in the mood to drink. I know scary, huh? I have my reasoning of not drinking and that is another story.I hope that everyone had a great view of some amazing fireworks! I tried taking pictures but it didn’t work out to well. Well I got pictures of us eating s’mores but I wanted some of the fireworks…instead I took video!
Anyway, tonight was a great night. We grilled out some New York strips, onions, and corn-on-the-cob. We made fruit salad, macaroni salad, and potato salad. The food was delicious! We followed it with some s’mores and margaritas. I didn’t drink much at all. Just was not in the mood to drink. I know scary, huh? I have my reasoning of not drinking and that is another story.I hope that everyone had a great view of some amazing fireworks! I tried taking pictures but it didn’t work out to well. Well I got pictures of us eating s’mores but I wanted some of the fireworks…instead I took video!
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