Thinking

I had a friend ask me today after they heard I didn't sleep last night "What were you thinking about?"

Well be careful what you ask for....

Sometimes at night I lay in bed awake not able to fall asleep. I lay there in bed thinking about life.

I think about my kids. I want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. Honestly isn't that ever parent's wishes for their children? Recently in town there was some middle school kids caught 'huffing' and another kid who died by playing 'choke out'. There is only one middle school in town so of course I had to sit my kids down and talk about the dangers in 'huffing' and 'choke out'. These are things that kids shouldn't have to even know about these things let alone worry about them. It makes me sad and scared for children.

I think about family. They want me to move closer to 'home'. I love to visit back 'home' but is it really bad of me that I don't have any desire to move back? I will gladly visit but it is not 'home' to me.

I think about school. Am I making the best decision on going back to school full time and working part time? I know that taking the classes during the day will definitely speed up the process. And that is a great thing.

I think about love. I am tired of going to bed alone. I find myself dreading going to bed. Funny how I never feel as alone as I do as when I am in bed. Nothing changed but still being in a bed without someone makes a person feel lonely. Is it really that hard to find and maintain a relationship? It shouldn't be.

I think about friends. How I want to be there for them through everything but I know that I can't be. Sometimes it is okay to say no.

I think about if I became more forward with what I want--that maybe I can get it? Who would have known that concept? Crazy, I know. Still it is just not me.

I think about looking for a house in the country. In my mind I picture a house just outside of city limits with a small pond and a large yard. I imagine a summer night sitting outside reading a book and being able to look up at the sky and enjoying the stars.

I think that I think way too much!

Now writing about me thinking has actually fot me thinking. What a shocker!

I am confused. Truly confused. Which makes me think much more than normal.