Drive back to Iowa

The trip home was long--very long.

We woke up first thing in the morning and was making great time. Dalton couldn't stand being in the car anymore so about every 45 minutes or so I had to hear "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom." It got old quick, but we always took the next exit. This made for an extended time in the car.

As the kids watched movies or played on their DSI's, I drove. I occasionally sent a text or two and actually got a lot of phone time in.

I called my dad and asked him to buy me a camero. Of course he wouldn't nor would I actually want him to. I do have to say I really, really want a camero. Maybe that is what I will get when I finally graduate--we will see.

I talked to some friends and we made plans to get together throughout the next few weeks. I got told the details to the little black dress party in the middle of April. Gave me a reason to go shopping today. I bought my dress and later in the week I get to go buy some red high heels to go with it. Should be fun.

We stopped in Missouri to see a friend. We played basketball and jumped on the trampoline. It was good to get the kids out to burn up some of their energy! I can say I was glad to be out of the car too.

Ohhh, on the trip home I was privileged enough to get pulled over and received a speeding ticket. First ticket I have got in years! Speeding tickets have gone up since my last ticket. Oh well, at least I made it all the way to Iowa before getting pulled over! Yup, I was within the last hour drive.

The trip was fun and I am very glad that we went. Hopefully I will be making the drive again this summer; however, it will be without the kids.

Kids were house shopping...

As I have said multiple times before my Aunt has been trying to get the kids and I to move to Texas. She has been suggesting that I move there since I was 14 years old! This last week was the first time that she got to try and plant the seed to move there in the kids.

We drove around her neighborhood and she had the kids pick out their favorite houses. I took pictures per the kids request of their top two picks. The kids are easier to get talked into moving to Texas. They were ready to pack up and move after the first day there.


This house is just getting finished and will be up for sale soon. So I am told by my Aunt.


Here is the other house the kids liked.

The kids liked these houses as they thought that they resembled 'castles'. Personally I had a different favorite, but am I moving? Nah, not this month.

More arcade...

Here we are playing at Chuck E. Cheese. The kids love playing the games and pretending to be in the movie. I am entertained by how the enjoy themselves.


Tiana and Dalton posing with Chuck E. Cheese. My Aunt is in the background giving bunny ears to Chuck E. Cheese!


Ian playing his favorite game...basketball. The kid is pretty darn good!


Tiana and Ian are enjoying the virtual rollercoaster.


Dalton 'riding' a horse. It was actually broken but he wanted his picture taken on the horse anyway.

Arcade

Here the kids took advantage of the arcade that was in the lodge. It was fun watching them play the games.


Ian and Tiana trying to get the ticket jackpot.


Dalton jumping to a 'virtual' jump rope. He was jumping pretty high!


Dalton trying to hit the thing when it pops up.


Tiana walking around trying to figure out what she wants to play.


Ian trying to find the right time and place to drop in his token.

Magi Quest

Here the boys are walking down the hallway after a night of swimming, arcade games, Magi Quest, and many more things that they have at the Great Wolf Lodge.


At the tree picking out the adventure.


Again at the tree completing one level and moving to the next.


Here the kids are buying and activating the Magi Wands. We were explained on how it works and given our book to follow to find our magical items. Honestly it was a lot of fun. Many families were completing the Magi Quest together. Tiana didn't care for it so she eventually went swimming while the boys and I completed a few levels.

Great Wolf Lodge Water Park!

Tiana posing for a picture after going down the waterslide.


Dalton showing off. He thinks he can do the splits. I want to know why he would want to!


Ian having fun and getting ready to go down one of the waterslides!


The lazy river. The area with that the kids run and play on have water guns that you can squirt the people who are just relaxing on the thier raft on the lazy river.


The kids are standing there waiting to get the water dumped on them.


This is the treehouse when we first walked in to the lodge. The kids had fun climbing up there to look around.

Monday

On monday my normal routine--my normal life--starts back up. I have to get back to work and extra early as I have been off all week. Classes at night and online have to be resumed and of course the kids go back to school.

I was once told that a vacation is anything that is different from the normal routine. Hmm...I see truth in that.

Also on monday I start my new routine. I decided I am going to lose the weight I put on. When I put my mind onto something I make sure it happens. The power of thought. I'm not quite sure how I am going to squeeze in an extra hour a day, but it will be done.

It will be a lot easier when I go to part time at work. At least I envision it to be a lot easier. Till than I guess I get up earlier as I all ready stay up late enough finishing up on things.

Talking about going to part time at work, I still have to tell my boss. Ugh. I pictured it in my head a thousand times and I thought I would enjoy telling her but I fear that is not the case. I feel like I am letting them down. I fear letting people down. I know that it is the best for me and my education but still I am dreading the talk with boss lady.

Oh, monday, you are coming way too quickly...

Pancho's

Today after the museum and Imax show we went to Pancho's to eat. Pancho's is a Mexican buffet. It was an experience to me.

You get in line with your tray like a normal buffet; however, you don't put your food on your plate the gentleman does that for you. Okay, I can handle that. We sit down and eat and the waiter comes to the table with chips and salsa. Again, I am okay with that. There is a flag on a pulley system that if you want the waiter you put the Mexican flag up and he will come to the table. This is where it got different for me. You put the flag up the waiter comes over and you tell him what you want from the buffet line. I didn't get that concept and either did Dalton. Dalton stated "I can go and get my food, he doesn't need to, he has lots of other people to help". It was uncomfortable for Dalton and I.

Okay, so it wasn't all that weird but it was different from what I am accustomed too. I don't like to cause anyone extra work or be a burden in even the slightest way. I would have prefered to get up and get my kids food for them at a buffet.

Oh well, it was good food though.

Firsts...

What did I do? Hmmm...

I rode my very first motorcycle. Okay, let me be honest, I rode on my very first motorcycle. Regardless, I had a blast. I was scared and excited all at once. I can see why people enjoy them. Maybe I will get brave enough to actually drive one next time.

Another first is I ate my first bite of chicken. Yup, you read that right. A chicken tostada at Pancho's Mexican Restaurant. I only ate a bite--but still it was chicken--and I did swallow it. It was everything that I thought it would be---stringy. Eww...

Rode a horse in Texas, that was a first, although I have ridden a horse before. Looked at a few neighborhoods and even a few houses.

I feel like I was working on my bucket list!

Say Cheese....

I brought my new camera on my trip to Texas with high hopes of some great pictures. The plan started out great till I realized the battery was low and I didn't bring the charger!

I was pretty bummed.

Quickly thinking I realized I keep my little digital camera in my purse. See this is why I carry a huge purse. I keep everything in it as there might be a time that I need quick access to something.

I pull out my camera from my purse and it wouldn't turn on. Ugh! Frustration was setting in. I did get some pictures of the first few days and I bought a disposable at Medieval Times last night. We will see how they turn out!

The show...

Just got back from the Medieval Times show and boy was it a great one! We had purchased an upgraded package which allowed up to sit up front and along with that we got extras like a souvenir program, a DVD of some sort, and a flag in our knights color to wave.

Well, upon our arrival, we had to wait a bit outside while they were getting things ready. There was another little boy maybe a year younger than Dalton and everyone knows that my Dalton is definitely not shy. Dalton befriended this kid and they talked and laughed and told stories. Well this was until we were given our crowns. The little boy was given a blue crown and we were given a black and white crown. Dalton instantly became enemies with his new friendship. They both had swords and dueled each other as we sat and waited for the show to begin.

Ian was a bit more reserved. He decided he wanted to buy a black and white jester hat. This was a great choice for him. As the night went on, Ian started to come out of his shell--he was cheering, chanting, and yelling for our black and white knight.

Tiana has enjoyed the show beforehand but bought a Tiara of some sort. She was excited again for the show. Last time she was given a carnation from our yellow knight.

So the food was served and of course our hands were our silverware and everyone ate like we were savages and this was the first meal all week.

The trumpets play and the show begun.

We have our crowns on and our flags in hands. Whenever the black and white knight passed by we woo'ed and yelled. When the green knight passed by we boo'ed and hissed.

It started with jousting. Two knights racing towards each other with the jousting sticks exploding into shards on impact. When the knight falls off the horse the battle moves to the ground. They start with swords and double edge axes. Sparks fly amongst the impact of their swinging weapons. One by one the knights are killed off.

The final show was our black and white knight against the green knight. The story plot thickened at this point as the green knight brought the kidnapped prince in the arena with arms tied with rope. The green knight was the 'bad guy'. But no fear our black and white knight saved the prince and destroyed the green knight.

I think that I spent more time watching the boys watch the show. The facial expressions and excitement they showed was absolutely priceless. In fact, I don't think Dalton sat during the whole show. He was on his feet yelling from start to finish.

At the end of the show there is a dance in the main hall with all the knights, lady, prince, king, narrator, and wenches.

Definetly a favorite of mine...

Words are only words...

It's no secret---I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have been told to 'toughen' up multiple times. Maybe it is time I listen. Maybe it is time that I toughen my heart.

Hide my feelings. Build my wall.

Do I see a change coming on? Maybe. I mean everyone can't be wrong, can they? Is there something so wrong by letting someone know that your feelings are hurt, or that you care, or a variety of different things? Who knows the real answer.

It's an internal battle. Good or evil? Right or wrong? Change or not?

Today I went to the pond to think. To truly think of how I feel. It was a great 'think'. To see the reflection of the trees and the clouds in the pond; to feed the few ducks that were passing on by. It gave me time to realize a lot.

Words mean little to most, but they have always meant the world to me. A simple word, thought, feeling was all I ever needed. I came to realize that words don't mean anything if not backed with actions.

Words are merely that---just words.

A lesson learned...

Have you ever said something that was said the wrong way?

I have.

Have you ever taken something a way that it wasn't meant?

Again, I have.

Sometimes I overstep my boundaries---I say things without thinking them through. Not that I mean to but at times my mouth moves faster than my brain. But by the time my brain catches up---feelings can get hurt or anger sets in.

I never intentionally try to upset anyone. I prefer people to be happy. I try hard to help contribute happiness to others.

In knowing this, you can imagine how I feel when I hurt someone or get someone angry. I would never minimize how I made anyone feel, as I believe that people's feelings are valid---no matter if someone agrees or not.

A lesson learned though.

Will there be a move in my future?

I was asked to move to Texas. I won't lie---I am giving it some serious thought. To be around family would be nice; however, being away from the rest of my family would be hard.

I was shown around town and to all the places that would be an opportunity to work at. In theory it sounds wonderful.

I have talked to a good friend whom I am in the RN program with and we both have decided that we were going to move to a bigger city after completing the program. We have discussed staying in Iowa and possibly moving to Des Moines. This would be closer to my family and they actually have family right there. We actually have talked about moving to Texas too.Surprisingly they have been contemplating making a move to Texas themselves. How ironic?!

Regardless of where we move, I do know that we are completing our RN degree first--one year.

Medieval Times...

Tomorrow is my favorite of all of my Texas activities. I haven't missed a show when I was down since I started to come to Texas--Medieval Times!

Last time Tiana and I was down we cheered for the yellow knight. I wonder what color knight we will have this time. This will be the boys first time going. How exciting.

There is something about this era that I love. Maybe it is my little girl inside of me who loves the fairy tales when the knight saves the princess and the ride off on the horse. Might be but regardless I enjoy watching the performance.

Before the show we will go in to the torture chamber and look around the castle. We will see the knight's thrones and will be given a crown to wear in which it represents the color of our knight. I am personally hoping for yellow again--I am bias though--it's my favorite color.

So an update on how it goes will be in the near future...

The Lodge

At our stay we have done many things around the hotel.

The obvious is the water park. We have spent hours swimming. But there is soo much more...

When exploring the hotel we noticed these treasure chests set up randomly throughout the place. Curiousity gets the best out of me. I see kids with what at the time looked like sticks going up and pointing them at these treasure boxes. Hmmm....interesting I thought. As I watched I noticed that the treasure boxes responded--they talked!

I just had to know. The kids and I went up to some kids that was on this hunt with their dad. We asked what it was called, how to play, and where to begin. The helpful family walked us to the store to get us started. We activated our Magi Quest wands and our journey begun in the "Training Room".

We picked our Quest at the tree as instructed and off we went. Up five floors, down two, up one, down three. All we did was hunt for the next clue. We got into the game and went up a few levels. We didn't get to finish yet but we will see.

There were so many kids and adults waundering around on this "quest"--it kept people busy.

Along with the quest there was much more to do. We played in the arcade. We got airbrushed tattoos. The kids decorated Crocs (ugh, the ugliest shoes--but they just 'had' to do it) There was storytime by the big fireplace and still there was much, much more.

Something I loved was the kids were able to make me a flip picture book. The picked out props and got to make a seven second video. It was printed frame by frame and put together. Now all I do it flip quickly through the pages and I get to see the kids dancing. Very cool.

I got to say this place is worth the stay! (I'll post pictures soon)

Chuck E. Cheese

As any guilty mom would feel for "forcing" her eight year old to get a fat and bloody lip, I took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch.

We were the first people to the place so it was kind of nice to have it to ourselves. Joe, the training manager at Chuck E. Cheese, was the man who greeted us. Joe asked us what we were celebrating. We explained it was Spring Break. He congratulated us and asked us where we are from(Spring Break here was last week). I told Joe that we were from Iowa and he quickly asked from where. I explained that we have lived on both sides of the states and that we are currently in Ottumwa. Joe started to laugh and stated that he himself was from Iowa---Des Moines, actually. I didn't believe Joe. I called Joe a "liar head" and insisted that he says that to "everyone".

Joe started talking really fast and was telling us that he just moved to Texas. That he is the training manager for Chuck E. Cheese and worked in Des Moines. That he was born here in Texas but his mom moved him to Iowa when he was growing up. That just recently he transfered down to the new Chuck E. Cheese to help train.

Thinking, I asked Joe to show me his driver's license (if he just moved here chances are he hasn't got a Texas license yet). He reached into his wallet to pull out his Iowa driver's license. By golly Joe was honest---he was from Iowa.

Pizza was on Joe.

Howlin' Twister

The kids and I arrived to Texas around six o'clock in the evening on Tuesday! The drive went very well and the kids didn't mind it.

We spent the majority of our time so far enjoying the indoor water park. With the lazy river, wave pool, kids play area, and of course a whole lot of water slides.

About the water slides...um...Dalton really didn't want to go down the Howlin' Twister but I kinda, sorta talked him into it. Not really a great idea--which I soon found out.

We get on and he automatically was angry with me because it is pitch black and than we go down a huge straight drop and up one side and down the other of this great big tunnel. All I could say was "Don't let go". We get to the end and Dalton is crying and his face is being held in his little hands. I get off the raft and pick him up. His hands are filled with blood.

I asked him what happened and his knee came up and hit his mouth when we had the drop off in the slide. Boy, do I feel awful at this point---don't know if I could feel any worse---well I will feel worse in a bit. So the lifeguard blows her whistle and puts a closed fist in the air. Next thing I know I have four men checking on Dalton and asking a whole slew of questions.

The one guy gets Dalton some gauze to put in his mouth and an icepack for the swelling. As he was sitting there talking to Dalton he said "At least you were having fun till this happened". Dalton quickly and sharply replied "No, I wasn't. My mom MADE me go on that slide. I didn't want to!"

This was the point that I felt worse.

Needless to say Dalton is doing just fine---a fat lip and a little cut on his lip.

Hmm....yea...

"I am sure that you think that you understand what I said; however what you think you heard, is not what I meant."

Yup, that sums it up.

I am me; nothing more.

Multifaceted or complex doesn't even begin to describe me. I am kooky, zany, shy, aggressive, timid, affectionate, mysterious and practical. Why box myself into being entirely one thing or another? How boring would that be?

I am me; nothing more.

The thing is...I love my random self. I love that I like staying home on a weekend to color with the kids or having a grill out with friends; or I love that I am random and like to understand why and how things work; or that I would sit and talk to a friend rather than go to a bar at night; or that I value family; or that in the middle of one subject some other topic will pop in my head that I get excited about.

Sometimes I wonder if others reflect on themselves as I do. I like to better myself in any small way that I can. I think that is vital for success. I notice that some people are okay with just surviving. I wonder why that is?

Like I have said many times. I thrive on learning and making myself a better person in all aspects of life. I want to be a better mom, a better employee, a better partner, a better sister, a better cook, a better daughter, a better friend,a better student, well just a better me.

I take things personally when given any amount of criticism. Not that I really mean to but because I see it sort as a weakness on my part. The good thing is sometimes it turns out to be a learning experience. Can't fix something that I don't know is broken type of mentality.

Seriously how do people expect someone to work on something that they didn't know was an issue? This is where communication is key. I believe that sometimes people don't use communication and that is truly sad.

Things that go unsaid can't be fixed. Wants can't be filled if not shared.

I can't say that I never do this. I am famous for saying nothing is wrong just to save a persons feelings or to not have a fight. I am guilty of this.

I am not perfect. Far from that, to be truthful.

I love communication. I love the comfort of being able to openly communicate wants, thoughts, feelings, expectations, wishes, or whatever random thought that might go through my head at any given moment during the day. That is what I desperately want.

I would love to lay in bed with someone some random night to talk about a movie, a class, the trip to the store, cheese, the color yellow, whatever it is it doesn't matter.

I will have this in 2010.

Thinking

I had a friend ask me today after they heard I didn't sleep last night "What were you thinking about?"

Well be careful what you ask for....

Sometimes at night I lay in bed awake not able to fall asleep. I lay there in bed thinking about life.

I think about my kids. I want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. Honestly isn't that ever parent's wishes for their children? Recently in town there was some middle school kids caught 'huffing' and another kid who died by playing 'choke out'. There is only one middle school in town so of course I had to sit my kids down and talk about the dangers in 'huffing' and 'choke out'. These are things that kids shouldn't have to even know about these things let alone worry about them. It makes me sad and scared for children.

I think about family. They want me to move closer to 'home'. I love to visit back 'home' but is it really bad of me that I don't have any desire to move back? I will gladly visit but it is not 'home' to me.

I think about school. Am I making the best decision on going back to school full time and working part time? I know that taking the classes during the day will definitely speed up the process. And that is a great thing.

I think about love. I am tired of going to bed alone. I find myself dreading going to bed. Funny how I never feel as alone as I do as when I am in bed. Nothing changed but still being in a bed without someone makes a person feel lonely. Is it really that hard to find and maintain a relationship? It shouldn't be.

I think about friends. How I want to be there for them through everything but I know that I can't be. Sometimes it is okay to say no.

I think about if I became more forward with what I want--that maybe I can get it? Who would have known that concept? Crazy, I know. Still it is just not me.

I think about looking for a house in the country. In my mind I picture a house just outside of city limits with a small pond and a large yard. I imagine a summer night sitting outside reading a book and being able to look up at the sky and enjoying the stars.

I think that I think way too much!

Now writing about me thinking has actually fot me thinking. What a shocker!

I am confused. Truly confused. Which makes me think much more than normal.

Soon we will be in Texas

Three days.

Three days till the kids and I drive to see our Aunt in Texas. This will be the boys first journey to Texas and their longest car trip. This will be Tiana's third venture to Texas and well I have been there multiple times since I made my first trip when I was fourteen.

The kids are excited and to be honest so am I. I always enjoy visiting my Aunt and seeing what new paintings that she has created. She has great talent and creates some beautiful paintings. I know that she has some 'projects' to do with the kids when they get there.

I talked to my Aunt this morning and told her of my recent decision to enroll back into the day program at IHCC. She said "Heather, your education should be your priority at any age. I offer you again to move and complete your education here in Texas but I know that is not what you want, but the offer is still there." She is very sweet.

I tried to decline nicely by stating that I am too scared to move there. She called me out on that fact. "Heather, that is bologna. You and I both know that you aren't scared. Any woman that will pick up her kids and move away from her hometown is not scared of moving. You have proved over and over that you are a strong woman."

She than went to reassure me that it is okay that I don't want to move there but if I ever decide to she guarantees that I will never want a 'northern winter' again. She is right, I wouldn't miss the winters, but home is home here in the Midwest.

Soon I am sure I will send Tiana down to Texas by herself in the summer for a couple of weeks. It scares me that she is almost the age I was when I took my first plane ride to Texas. Not only was it my first plane ride but I did so alone. That seems like only a few years ago to me, but realistically it was sixteen years ago. I feel old.

I feel like life is surpassing me faster than what I want. It seems that my kids have grown up in the blink of an eye. It goes way too quickly. Which is a reminder that in another blink of an eye my kids will be grown and have a family of their own. To watch my kids grow up has been the best part of my life.

Which brings me to I want to be a grandma (not anytime soon). I want to have multiple grand kids as I believe children are the purest form of happiness. I want grand kids to spend the night and to be able to sit them down and tell them stories. I want to take my grand kids camping yearly--as a tradition--so they look forward to it as much as I do.

Hmm..how did going to Texas got me thinking about grand kids? Interesting how the mind works.

Summer School

As everyone that knows me knows that I have been attending night classes and taking online classes.  After much thinking (and discussion) I have decided that I wanted to go back to Indian Hills fulltime and during the day. 

I have went and talked to the person that runs the nursing program at IHCC and by the time that I had left I signed myself back into the fulltime day program which starts this summer.  The better thing is I have completed all but one of the arts and science classes needed so I really only have to focus on the nursing core classes. 

While taking some of the shorter terms that I will have I plan on taking some psychology classes that will transfer over for my minor in psychology.

I am truly excited.  This shortens my schooling by almost a year and it also gives me more of an opportunity to take some classes that I can use to further my education as I plan to do. 

Who knows exactly when I will finish with all my education. But I do have a plan.

Tuna Creations

As everyone knows--I don't eat much meat. I have been eating meat more often lately--still haven't been brave enough to try a new meat. Small steps; very small steps.

I can't remember who told me to try the tuna creations and as I was shopping the other day I picked a couple up. I hesitantly tried the garlic and herb flavor and decided I love them!

I immediately called a friend who I knew would enjoy them as much as I did. They went out and got some Tuna Creations of their own and verdict came back that they loved them too.

I see in my future chicken....

One hundred and one reasons

I was given some advice from a friend.

"If life gives you one hundred reasons to be sad; think of one hundred and one reasons to be happy."

I am not a 'down' type of person--normally. I have a tendency to remain positive and look at the bright side of life. On an occasion I get sad or confused or alone or just...well...sad.

Anyway, I thought that advice was amazing, as I have so much to be happy for.

I guess you can say I wanted to share.

What was Friday made of?

I could kick myself for making a lab appointment at 6:20 this morning. On a normal day--whatever that is--it would have been fine as I would be awake long before than. But nooooooo, Heather, was to go into work late today. So I had to give up sleeping in to get up at my normal time to get up and get stuck with a stupid needle. Ugh!

So that is how my Friday started.

If that wasn't bad enough, as I was sitting there getting ready to get my labs to be drawn, I reminded them that I don't particularly care for needles. I know, I know! I have tons of tattoos, but that is different--really it is. They promise to be 'gentle' on me and that it would be over before I knew it.

Not once, not twice, not even a third time....yup I was stuck four times before they had success in drawing my blood for labs. So much for being 'gentle' and 'quick'. I even got bruises where they poked and prodded.

Ah, really, it wasn't THAT bad but it is something I don't like having done.

After I get my labs drawn I run to my second job to administer some TB skin tests and note doctor orders. Wait--back up slightly--as I was walking into the building Willa, who is retired but still chooses to work as housekeeping, stopped to talk to me. She is amazing. She is seriously in her late 70's or early 80's and it just as sharp or sharper than most people I talk too.

A few months ago she was sitting by the time clock when I came to clock in and I asked her what was wrong and she stated her leg was killing her. I had to get someone over to get her as she had a blood clot. I sent her a card along with a plant and ever since she tells me she loves me and that she has never had a friend like me before. Now we work in different buildings and it is a treat to run into her.

Anyway, she asked me about my kids and told me about her grand kids. Asked me if I had a boyfriend and offered to find me one. She told me about her latest shopping spree and of her latest spat with her husband. She looked at me and said "Heather, I miss you." She got teary-eyed and gave me a hug with her "I love you, Heather".

That was a great moment.

Now, after that moment I went to work at my second job, administed TB's and noted doctor orders.

Arrived at my first job early. I am trying to get things caught up but it wasn't going to happen today. I got asked to do orientation with one of the new hires in the morning instead of the scheduled time in the afternoon. She was early and nobody knew what to do with her so I gave her orientation and when I finished it was just about time to give the other new hire orientation. I had two interviews today and a whole bunch of paperwork to get caught up on.

When I left. I was 100% caught up on everything besides policies. I am going to go into work on Sunday and Monday specifically only to do policies. I still won't be caught up but it will take a chunk out of them. There is only about a few hundred needing to be done--months ago--and another few hundred that are coming up to need revised. I will do what I can.

Today the office personal was growly and everyone was walking on glass as it was a day nothing could be done right---even if it was. The only thing I can say about that is I got two notes saying that I was appreciated for following policy and procedure and for the work that I do. Pbbbt...please. Tomorrow a new personality will emerge and I will not be able to meet standards once again. That's life.

Tonight, I am going to enjoy!

What was I thinking?

Sooo...

In Microbiology tonight we had to play around with bacteria. Nothing with a harmful strain. These are all bacterias that are not going to harm us--at least that is what the teacher tells us.

I find it hard to believe that bacteria E. Coli is not going to cause any harm. The instructor has reassured me multiple times that this strain does not harm humans. I had to take his word.

So as I am prepping my lab materials to test a few bacterias I smashed the amulet (as instructed) to see if my bacteria would turn colors. It didn't.

Let me back up to the funny part of this experiment after I smashed the amulet in this little tube the size of a tube of super glue. I forced the lid off (as I thought this was the correct procedure) The instructor seriously stopped and watched me pour this junk all over (not the E.coli just the stuff to see if would turn colors).

I really wish I could have seen my face. I was in disbelief that I got that junk all over my lab sheets. The instructor grabbed my tube placed the lid back on it and said "Heather, the lid is meant to stay on, there is a hole." I laughed and wasn't allowed to have the tube back. He administered the drop for me as I obviously was having a hard time with it.

What gets me is he watched me struggle to get the lid off and didn't speak a word with me dumping it all over the place. He enjoyed me making a fool out of myself.

I have a sense of humor and I laughed as it makes perfect sense to keep the lid on and I don't know what I was thinking. I have no idea what caused me to do what I did. However, I took it with a grain of salt. I chuckled and whispered atleast I didn't break the glass beakers like the other girl did. Instuctor at least found humor in me.

Lets say lab for me was carefully monitored the rest of the evening...

Choices are chances to learn...

I have been doing a tremendous amount of thinking lately. I consume myself in thoughts. Have you ever got to a point in life where you have two paths to take? How do you pick which one?

I have came to a fork in the road.

Do I go beyond my normal comfort zone and pick the path that scares the living crap out of me? Or do I go with my comfort zone and continue with a nice path in which life is known to be good?

I am usually not a risk taker, I'd rather have a plan---in most things. I don't put myself completely out there, I tend to be more conventional. I like to be approached rather than pursue. I look at the details along with the big picture, but sometimes I need reminded along the way.

I have been told many times if the same thing is not working--change it. Makes complete sense. Why am I afraid of that change? I don't believe I am actually afraid of the change in itself but more of the fear of not knowing what the outcome is. As I said I tend to like the calculated risks.

It's times like tonight, I miss having someone to come home to. Someone to sit up and talk with, to laugh with, to feel the warmth of their arms. To have someone to discuss problems, decisions, thoughts, dreams, emotions, achievements, and fears is what I desire tonight. Having someone to listen and understand when making a decision is one of the best gifts in life. It amazes me how many people take that for granted; how they take people for granted.

I have done my wrongs in previous relationships and I have learned so much from them. The one thing I have learned over the years is patience. Patience didn't come easy for me at first as I have a particular way I like things done. I like to know everything and it is extremely hard to think that there is a chance that I might have to wait on something or someone else. Don't get me wrong, patience is a trait that I have aquired. I live with patience--lots of it.

Beings I am now blessed with patience and have the ability to understand that others may have a different opinion on what is right or allowed. I have learned over the years of acceptance. You have to accept people as who they are. Good, bad, and the ugly. You can not change them as they have to want to change themself.

Over the years I have learned that it is vital to stand by people through good and bad. Stand by their dreams and goals. Encourage as they move forward and backwards. Let people know that you are going to be there for them as you would want someone to be there for yourself.

One of the biggest things I have learned is you get what you give. If you give 110 percent you will get more than if you give 60 percent. This holds true in all aspects of life; love, work, friendships, etc.

Enjoy the little things. I can't mention enough of the little things that I have in the last few years--I enjoy them so much-- and 10 years ago I would have not given them a thought.

Manners and respect can go a long way with a person so I have learned. Please, thank you, and I am sorry are little words that mean so much.

The one thing that I admire the most is the ability to see the good inside people.

Back to my original thought process--which path do I take? To go down either path there will be a learning expierence and there is good that awaits.

Blue skies and white fluffy clouds

Have you ever just stared up at the clouds passing by?

I do. Actually, I did today.

I pick out shapes that the clouds appear to represent. For example:

I seen a duck who looked like he was drinking water.

A person who looked like they were doing the Egyptian.

A dinosaur. More specifically a Pterosaurs.

I am truly excited about the warmer weather. It will be no time at all before camping commences! I really am starting to believe that I am "different" than others. Good or bad, who knows. However, soon I will be able to to lay back underneath a shade tree on a warm summer night. I will be able to close my eyes and listen to nature, to clear my head, to appreciate the smell of the outdoors.

These are the days that I live for--blue skies and white fluffy clouds.

Now that I am thinking about it. In my next relationship, I insist on days like that.

Des Moines

The kids and I enjoyed a night up in Des Moines. The boys were excited because the couch pulled out into a bed and they wanted nothing more than to sleep on it. Which left Tiana and I having our own bed. The beds were comfy, but the pillows were better.

We met some friends up in Des Moines and we went swimming, shopping, playing glow in the dark mini golf, out to eat a few times, and later in the evening night, the kids stayed with a friend while another friend and I went out to enjoy a few drinks. About the drinks, I do feel like they contain much more alcohol up in Des Moines than they do down in Ottumwa. I wonder why that is.

When we were leaving this morning Tiana said to me "Mom, I like Des Moines better than Ottumwa...and I know that you said you don't want to move back to Sioux City, but could we move here?" Tiana is my child who doesn't like the smaller town of Ottumwa. Ian and Dalton was definetly giving encouraging words of wanting to relocate to the big city.

I am not opposed to the idea of relocating and definitely not opposed to a bigger city.

Fortune Cookie

Today I was nonchalantly eating my lunch which happened to be chineese. I ordered steam veggies and rice. I was angry after I got it because it contained peas! Who would want peas?! Anyway, I made due and even ate some peas.

The fun part of my meal is when I opened my fortune cookie. I got two fortunes inside my cookie!

"Respect will get you far." "Small kisses mean big things."

Now knowing me I want to statistically know the odds of getting two fortunes in one cookie. I have no idea on how to go about this but I am going to try and see if I can find something or someone that can tell me the odds.

A little silly side note. I keep my fortunes.

Hmm....must be my lucky day!

Bloody Mary

Tonight I enjoyed a nice extra well done steak. It was yummy. As most knows I don't eat much meat. In fact when I do it makes my tummy upset. More than likely because my body has no idea what meat is.

So while I was enjoying this steak, I was also enjoy the company of a few friends. We sat around and talked, laughed, and enjoyed stories from each other. Good times.

As I have had a few minor 'stresses' in my life I figured I would have a drink. I had my first bloody mary tonight. It reminded me just like V8 juice, which makes sense as it was made of tomato juice. I didn't taste any alcohol. It was pretty good.

It was a nice way to wind down this week.

Thank you friends!

Just say no...

It has been a stressful day or two. I won't go into details but I will say I have been thinking heavily about being nice. I am told that I am too nice to the point that I get taken advantage of. To an extent I agree--I do get taken advantage of. I however love being nice. I love helping. I love being there for people.

I have decided that I need to come to a healthy balance---but getting there I have no idea!

I came from a very giving family. My mom would cook for the neighborhood at the tattoo shop. To the point that I grew up with all the neighborhood kids as they were brothers and sisters. We raised money for organizations, volunteered time, and was always there for anyone that needed someone. I carried on this way of life.

I have loaned money and never been paid back. I have given furniture to people who needed it more. I donate clothes to the children of Bridge of Hope. I wrap presents at Christmas times for children who wouldn't have anything else wise.

Now in no way does this make me better or do I think I am owed anything. I do every last bit of it because I love to help. I love the feeling of doing something "right" and "selfless".

In fact my "something" in a previous post has a lot to do with this topic.

Regardless, I love life. I love people. I try to find good in even the darkest heart. This is a trait that my mom, my sister, and I inherited. What is funny is I will tell my sister she is getting walked on or taken advantage of even though int he same situation I would have done the same.

I went in to health care after my mom passed away. I thought with a career in health care I would be able to touch the lives of others. I would make a difference. The sad thing is I don't work with people. I work at a desk doing a job I dislike. I do so because the hours provide me the most time to be home with my kids--my top priority.

The only thing this job has done for me was to gain forty pounds and to realize that I do not want to pursue a job in billing. I do not regret my decision on accepting this job--I am actually thankful that I had. Strange, I am sure. I learned some things from the job and I met some fantastic people who have become great friends of mine.

I got off topic there. Anyway, my life is and has always been about being nice. How do I come to that healthy balance of not being too nice? I think I am going to have to start by saying "no". I have great difficulty in saying that two letter word. I will now practice just saying no. I know I will not change overnight but hey I will get there.

Now, with my inability to say no, does not mean that I am weak. I am an independent person who is happy and really enjoys life. Respect and manners will get you far.

I will still enjoy helping people and I will still be nice.

Truth or Dare

Let's play truth or dare, or maybe just dare, because nobody knows how to tell the truth anymore.

Does anyone well else experience the lack of honesty anymore? What is it with people who would rather dramatize what little truth they will tell with some highly concocted story?

One of the worst traits in a person is the inability to tell the truth. Now, you don't have to be rude while being honest but you can be tastefully honest. Why do people feel the need to make up stories to impress others? Is society really that shallow?

I am me. Anyone that knows me knows just that. If you ask me a question about what I did--I'll tell you. If you want to know what I think--I'll tell you with tact. I will even tell you my honest opinion on a situation.

I give honesty and I expect honesty.

Can it be just that simple? I guess not.

Little and often...

I woke up to a message today that said "Little and often makes much."

Those five little words has got me to think.

Those five little words are very, very true.

Those five little words explain much to me.

Thank you for the reminder.

We are not "really" a Smith...

I remember stories my mom used to tell me when I was a teenager about her life growing up. She told me about her grandfather (my grandfathers father) and how when she was a little girl he would be in and out of her life---never consistent.

She told me stories on which he would pop out to visit her and give her a hundred dollar bill. Or the time he brought her a pet monkey. I was always in awe and I attempted to use this against her when I wanted something "unique"---it never worked to my benefit.

When I got a bit older my mom retold the stories but added more details. She explained to me that we are not really related to any Smith's although that is her maiden name (my grandfather's last name). This confused me at first. My mom loved telling me family stories and this one sticks out the most to me.

My grandfather's name was Jack Smith Jr. and his dad's name was Valentine Karp. As it was told to me Valentine told my great-grandmother that his name was Jack Smith--hence the reason that my grandfather was named Jack Smith Jr. Obviously nobody was aware at the time that really it should have been Valentine Karp Jr. My great-grandparents never married as it was a short affair.

Anyway, what brings me to this is because I have located the newspaper articles along with the trial information against my great-grandfather Valentine Karp.

My great-grandfather was a bank robber and used the alias Jack Smith. This is why he was inconsistent and in and out of my mom's life and also why he gave unusual and expensive gifts.

I haven't read all the court proceedings yet but here is a newspaper article (one of the many that I have located.)Valentine Karp's photo and a brief story of this bank that he robbed is located on the top right of the Algona, Iowa Newspaper.

Next I need to research my dad's side of the family....which will be difficult beings there are a lot of brothers and sisters (I believe 16 or 17ish) and they lived in an orphanage---unless you were a few of them who happened to be adopted.

My poor pinky

I have currently worked 32 hours this pay period with 4 days remaining and so I decided I better rush out of work at a 'decent' time. In the process of hurrying around and getting my desk organized and grabbing what work I should take home--I shut my pinky finger in a drawer.

Now I don't normally consider myself a baby when it come to bumps and bruises BUT this thing hurts. The knuckle itself has turned a deep shade of purple, it is slightly swollen, and it hurts to the touch.

The thing I find funny about my mishap is I am now babying my finger. I have become observant of my surrounding so I don't bump the bruised knuckle into anything. If only I was that observant beforehand I could have prevented the pinky-smashing to begin with.

What a great surprise...

I got flowers!!!

I have never received yellow tulips before. Usually I have been given roses or carnations in an array of colors. These are special flowers as they are by far my favorite. Yup, yellow tulips. A friend and I was talking about flowers the other day and well I told her that my favorite flower was a tulip but I have never received one before. As she arrived carring in yellow tulips for me last night before class it really made me appreciate my friendship.

Thank you Michelle, I love my yellow tulips!! (As you can tell Einstien loved them too--he chewed the leaf while I was at work.)

A little randomness

What a great day it was.

A lot of laughing, smiling, and very entertaining.

Not too much to write on.

I guess I had the great misfortune of talking to my second ex husband today. He asked me what kind of jobs there are here in Ottumwa--mentioning that he is thinking about moving this way. I take what he says with a grain of salt anymore. It's more like I am indifferent to him anymore.
The kids didn't get the chance to talk to him as he was "busy". One day he will wake up and realize the kids are all grown and he missed out on so much of the good ole times.

Oh, randomness, I am wanting to replace the ceiling fan in my living room. The fun thing is I want to do it by myself. We will see if I survive. It won't be for a couple of weeks to a month. I have plenty that I am trying to get done before that.

On a different subject I am planning on a new painting project. It is going to be hopefully a 50-60 inch canvas. I am hoping to get a canvas soon while the idea is fresh in my head. It might be a frame that I have to make, which is okay, I have done that before. I am truly excited about this because I have the perfect idea.

I feel bad I haven't used my camera since the snow angels. I was planning on taking pictures when we were outdoors yesterday but I forgot the camera! Ugh! Oh well, it is starting to warm up and well, I have plenty of more days outdoors to capture.

Last night I enjoyed a nice drive around town with a good friend. We actually went grocery shopping together---twice. Yup, we went to both Wal~Mart and HyVee to get everything that we wanted. After the grocery store I ended up driving them by my "dream" house. Not that I will ever own it and to be honest I love the house but I would prefer the house to be out of town a few miles. I will become a country girl.

Tonight, a friend will be over to study Micro Biology as we have our first quiz next week. I really do enjoy this class; however, it does make for some long days. I won't be home till around 10. It's worth it, really, it is. I am really excited about classes.

Well, I believe that is enough randomness for tonight.

Outdoors

Today was a great day. Period.

Started off with a reason to smile and it only got better from there.

I decided to go to work in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans (normally we have to dress up) and than headed out to go fishing. Tiana was babysitting so it was just the boys and myself.

I enjoy the outdoors. I can not wait till it's warm enough to go camping. I sure do miss the warmth, smell, and the sound of the crackles of a fire on a cool summer night. Nothing better than sitting up and enjoying the view of nature all around. It's peaceful. With the chaos of everyday life, I enjoy clearing my mind with being outside near a lake.

Well I didn't go camping tonight, I did spend a couple of hours out by water. To close my eyes and drift off into the silence is so refreshing. I spent the afternoon thinking and more than likely over thinking. I can't help it--I am a girl. (I don't ever use that as an excuse).

I threw rocks into the lake to watch the ripples appear and fade slowly away. I actually tried skipping rocks, and I will admit, I am not the best at it. It didn't stop me from trying. I heard the secert is to get a flat rock and throw the rock horizontally to the water. I tried but can not get a rock to skip more than a handful of times.

Ian must of realized I was deep in thought as he came ip to me and gave me a huge hug and said "Mom, you are the best. I love you". Moments like that makes me so very grateful on having three of the best kids in the world.

Seeing how big my kids are getting and knowing that they are not going to need me for every little thing makes me really sad. I mean I like to take care of people hence the healthcare field. I like to be needed. I like to give my all. I suppose that soon I will have to occupy my time elsewhere than with my kids as they are becoming less and less dependent on me.

A whole lot of...something...

I believe that this is going to be a strange blog post as I don't want to say what I want to say.

So, there has been something that I have been wanting to do and well I took the initiative of at least getting the information needed to pursue this "something".

I am truly excited!

I have been doing a big amount of my time thinking of this "something" and what type of this "something" that I was going to do. I have it narrowed down and well I think I would be happy with doing any of these "somethings".

I spent a good part of the day talking to a man who went in depth with details, opportunities, and how to actually get started. There are a few more people that I want to speak to before I make my decision on exactly what I plan on doing.

Just beware that there is "something" I will be doing in the future!!!

I miss my mom...

As I am writing this, I am aware that it is sort of weird coming from a thirty-year old and after three-and-a-half years---I miss my mom. I mean really miss her.

I really would like to pick up the phone and tell her about my life and my kids life. I want to listen to her voice and to hear her advice. So much I have contemplating. So much I seek her words.

I don't just miss my mom for me but I miss her for my kids too. My kids are unaware of what a kind heart their grandma had. I wish they could experience the pure goodness that she was.

I can think of a million things to ask my mom; a million things I would seek her advice for.

Now don't get me wrong I have absolutely the best friends in the world. They listen, offer advice, and help me see the other side of a situation.

It's just not mom.

Million Dollar Question

Have you ever hear a song that reminds you of a certain piece of your life? Or how about out and about in a normal day trip to the store you come across something that made you think back?

Well, I do.

Sometimes these little "memories" are great ones and others are best to be forgotton. These little "memories" have got me thinking about the future--my future. Where I plan on being, who I plan on being, what I plan on being, etc.

At times I wonder if I am going though somewhat of an early midlife crisis. At times I get panicky on if I am accomplishing everything that I am meant to accomplish by the time frame given.

On other times these little "memories" make me think about the past. Where I have been, who I was, what I have done, etc.

At times I wonder if I would have done something differently if life would be different. Silly, I do realize this. Of course if things were done different than a different outcome would happen.

I have been thinking much more than normal lately. I have come to realize that this is because I am at a crossroad in life---what path do I take? That is the million dollar question.

Daydreaming

My question---Why does daydreaming get such a bad rap?

Is it because it is considered to be non-productive? Does it make the person a slacker?

I ask because I lately found myself daydreaming. I daydream of my wants, my needs, and life's possibilities. Although I believe that daydreaming is a natural human activity. I have came to the conclusion that I have been drifting off frequently to wherever it is that I go when I space off and think.

What is it that people daydream about? What does it mean? How often does a person daydream?

Well I don't know about the "normal" daydreamer but I can say I daydream about an array of things: work/school being finished, love, vacations, being in bed, good communication, my dreams, my wants, my needs, etc.

I believe that I daydream more now than what I have is because my job is boring and it gets me through the day. Now I am not complaining. I am thankful I have a job and I am even more thankful of the hours that I have because it allows me to spend the time that I want and need to be a mom to my kids.

I use daydreaming as more of a visualization of what my wants are--almost as daydreaming keeps me on track of what my goals are.

Now I am just rambling...

Next question that was asked to me "Heather, do you ever get tired of being nice?"

First off the short answer-- I love being nice. I'll put more thought on this question and hopefully have a detailed answer.

An Early April Fools?

I had got in trouble at work today. Yup, me. I have never been written up in the 15 years that I have been employed. Not once. Today, I was told that I am no longer able to be on lunch break and continue to work. It was strongly suggested that I remove myself from the office during this break.

Don't get me wrong I think everyone is entitled to a break---I really do take one now and again---more times than not I do not. My normal work day consists of getting to work before my scheduled time as I am the first one to arrive to the office and it is easier to get things done.

I will admit---I do not like the feeling of not getting my job completed. I like to finish my job. Not only do I want to finish my job, I want it done right and on time. This is not easily done when it seems that the more you get done on time the more you get added to your workload.

I find it easier to sit at my desk and continue to work while I have lunch. I can be entering payroll or charges, typing a new SOP, or whatever it is that needs to get done. I was staying productive. Not anymore. As of tomorrow I need to start stepping away from my desk and "enjoy" my lunch in a break room. I dislike break rooms. There is all that negative gossip and people talking about others, etc. I just can not wait to experience this all.

On top of this great news I was told that on March 31st I would have to work late. Not just like a hour or two late but till all charges, payroll, billing is caught up. As of April first the hospital will be for profit. Meaning everything has to be up to date for the change over. I don't believe my boss was pleased with me when I said that I would not be at work late on March 31st--in fact it was more disbelief. Now this the first time I told my boss I would not come in to be the "team" player but I explained that I have night classes and unfortunately March 31st I have class.

It only got better from there as I was asked to change my vacation, work late, come in on days off, etc. As I sat there wondering how things are going to get done and how anyone thinks we can do all the transformation that is needed to be done by April Fools Day, I seriously found myself shaking my head.

Deep down I know that I will give my best to get what I can done by this deadline. I will put in more hours than most and I will take on others tasks. Also deep down I wish I would stop making work my life.

There is times in life where I use work as almost armor to keep myself from being hurt. I mean if you think about it--if I am working--I can't date, I can't go out, I can't be hurt. It is always that good standby excuse "I'm sorry but I have to work".

I was told by a great friend that I need to live life the way that I work. I never put much thought into that before. Tonight it has consumed my thoughts. Life is beautiful so don't waste it. Appreciate it with all of your heart.

Dear John...

This is the movie that I have been wanting to see since the previews started on TV. Who would have known that I would have trouble finding someone to go to the movie with me? I have had people bluntly tell me no and others that beat around the bush not wanting to hurt my feelings for not wanting to endure the 1:49 minute love story.

Who wouldn't want to see a classic Army love story? Well I finally talked some poor sucka to go with me.

John is on a two week leave visiting his father when he meets the girl. They spend every moment of those two weeks together and fall quickly in love. Regardless about knowing that John has to return to Germany at the end of the two weeks they decide that they can make their love survive while he finishes his twelve month commitment to the Army. They make promises that they will write all the time (and they do), and even though their love is true, obstacles have caused them not to be together at this time--regardless love is still there. Not going to tell the ending; however, the movie showed me I want love like that---if that exists.

After the movie finished I do the normal analyze the whole thing from start to finish. Compare it to parts of my life or pick out parts that make me go aww...now that is soo sweet, etc. The typical girl thing or maybe it is just me.

Anyway, I got a shock of a life time when I turned around and got asked to "make out" with the poor sucka that went to the movie with me---not once but twice! Before anyone gets too excited---they didn't realize that they asked me to "make out" with me. They meant to say "work out" with them. When I told them they should have bought my ticket into the movie if they wanted me to make out with them---they were more than embarrassed as they did not realize they asked not once but twice. Let's say it was funny and I never seen their face such a bright shade of red.

Needless to say I am glad to have made it to the movie and I guess now I am joining the gym.

Easily entertained...

I have enjoyed many Friday nights out at the same bar and restaurant. In fact when I go I usually order the same thing--veggie wrap, fries, and nacho cheese, and of course a bud light.

I think of myself of an observant person---at least I believed I was.

Anyway, I've been going--now and again--to this bar and restaurant and never noticed the marker board in which they write their specials on. Now this may not amaze or entertain most but I couldn't get over the fact that the writing on the board rotated through 7 different colors.

Not noticing this marker board on any of my previous nights at this bar and restaurant it caught my eye. I begun to think and wonder on how only the writing could change colors. Many ideas came to mind and although entertaining I knew that they were not possible. I am told that you write on with a special marker and the content of the marker board will reflect the different colors according to the LED light.

I have to admit I really wanted to write on that marker board.

I like the little things in life.