Guilty and happy all rolled into one..

I feel guilty. Not because I have done anything wrong, but for how I feel.

This weekend a few friends and I went up to Cedar Rapids to visit another friend. During this trip we celebrated the April birthdays.

We started off with getting ready in our "black dresses" and the guys actually dressed up too. We went out to eat and made it to the Extreme Midget wrestling show. I am telling you the wrestling ring was tiny. It was at least half the size of a normal ring if not more.

I ended up getting an autographed picture from one of the midgets 'Bad Boy Brian". During the show the wrestlers would yell out to the crowd and get all the drunkards to yell back. Started off with "the women in Iowa are flat chested and if we didn't agree to prove it." The crowd was booing and cheering on their favorite wrestler and the wrestlers were definitely playing the crowd.

My best friend and I decided to be a couple that night as we walked around holding hands, laughing, buying each others drinks, and possibly a kiss here and there to show that we were "together". (We have been best friends since I was 13. Her boyfriend didn't come out with her and well I was available so we made the best of it.)

After the Extreme Midget Wrestling we went to a few bars. We sang karaoke, laughed, danced, and really had a very good time.

This is when I started to think. This is where I start feeling guilty.

I just realized I am the only single person in my group of friends. I was slightly jealous. I dislike jealousy in all forms so I am angry at myself for feeling this way. Don't get me wrong I am so very happy for all my friends--truly I am.

The friend we visited up in Cedar Rapids just met a great guy who is very supportive of her starting her photography business. They just met in December and are talking of getting married. This is my second friend who has met someone and quickly got married this year alone.

I listened to all the stories from my friends of how 'they' (meaning my friend and their partner) are going to do this, or how 'they' were surprised with that, or how 'they' met, or how 'they' fell in love, or what funny quirk 'they' have.

I never felt so alone or so excluded in a very long time.

All in all this weekend was a blast. I wouldn't change a thing. In fact I even tried a new food--sushi. I think I can go forever without ever having sushi. I can't believe people actually like this. I thought shrimp was the only food that grossed me out---I was sadly mistaken.