Is this how we play this game of life?

When I was a ‘lil girl I used to dream of growing up being a doctor, a lawyer, or whatever superhero I liked at the time. I would think most kids do this—if not it just confirms that I am unusual. I used to daydream that I would get married—boy was I right, I did that twice! I’d daydream thinking I wanted 5 or 6 kids—close I have 3. Along with the above I thought I would do so in that perfect house with the wrap around deck with a porch swing, the white-picket fence, and the freshly squeezed lemonade sitting in the fridge.

Now, in reality, I have a good life. My house may not have the wrap around porch or the picket fence and I traded in the freshly squeezed lemonade for some Budweiser—partly because I like to have a cold one and partly because I am too lazy to squeeze the lemons, but I do have a good life.

Nothing changed. I still daydream. Now it’s about paying off bills, providing my kids with what they need, making it through another year of school, and finding someone that can stand me enough to form a stable relationship.

Which brings me to-- what is a relationship?

To me I always thought a relationship had to be with someone that becomes your best friend. You could talk about anything with them and they didn’t judge you. They let you be yourself and accept you with your faults—and vice versa. You have to be forgiving, open, and honest. I didn’t think relationships were based on that butterfly feeling you get when you first kiss someone, but more on how you want to make sure that person knows just how amazing they are.

In the process of being the patient and understanding person that I do honestly believe that I have become—I say become because I was not always that way—I think I get taken advantage of more often than not in life. I rarely complain, because does it really matter who holds the remote, or if we have pizza for supper, or even if you ran 15 minutes late? I rarely yell, because does it really make the other person want to listen to your thoughts or feelings? And I would do anything for anyone—even an ex-husband who showed infidelity at it’s best. I used to think these were my strong traits but the more that I analyze life I am thinking they are my downfall.

One of my best friends is the furthest thing from being a pushover—unlike me. She doesn’t take crap from her friends; she speaks her mind bluntly and tells exactly how she feels regardless of how brutal. She doesn’t take tardiness and she gets what she wants—hands down. Maybe that is saying something to me. Maybe I need to stick out my chest and start demanding my needs. Is that how we play this game of life?

I’m beginning to see that everyone has their own dreams and more importantly their own definition to life. Does that mean I should change mine or wait for someone that sees life like I do…

I didn’t give up on my ‘lil girl dreams—they changed--just like everything changes in life.