See you on the flipside...

I want to forewarn that I might not be blogging for awhile. I have some changes in life.

I don't know how long this will be and I am not sure when I will be back to blog. Who knows I may sneak on now and again.

See you on the flipside...

Keep smiling, Keep going

I came to a harsh realization that people are not what they portray themselves---even the good ones---me included.

It amazes me sometimes when you think you know someone so well and than---WHAM---you are blindsided with the unexpected.

It saddens me to know how very little you mean to someone that you considered to be big part of your life. I guess this is what life is about. The unexpected.

Communication is such a big part of human relationships of all kinds. Known fact. However, communication cannot be one-sided. If one is unwilling or lacks the ability than the essence/magic is lost.

I feel as if I am losing the dreamer in me.

No worries, I am okay, as I am me. I like me. I am happy with me.

I forgive easily, so there is no hard feelings.

One thing I've learned---keep smiling, keep going.

Ireland

Just priced a trip to Ireland!

Next step, to try and get vacation approved from boss lady.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Love is fickle...

A very smart 12 year old asked me the difference of love and unconditional love.

To break it down in simple forms I explained that unconditional love is the love that I have for my kids. I love them with no strings attached. They don't have to do anything to earn my love as it will always be there.

Love is something that a person feels towards someone after getting to know them and liking either the conversation, time spent, or a variety of other things. This type of love there was a cause and effect; for example, they needed to have those conversations to fall in love, if the conversations go away, chances are the love with fade.

Later on I began to think in more in depth of what unconditional love and love is.

A lot of people put conditions on love. They love only when it meets in there criteria/conditions and don't love when the conditions/criteria are not met. They can turn from love to hate instantly as something falls out of those conditions/criteria. Not to mention someones conditions/criteria may change so if the one receiving the love does not change along with these criteria/conditions they are deemed unworthy of continuing to receive their love.

The one thing I believe is love is fickle.

My personality...

You are interested in the big picture. You like to examine large, ambiguous issues and ideas. You carefully weigh all of the variables involved, connect disparate facts in novel ways and regularly come up with imaginative solutions to complex problems. You see holistically and can be visionary.

You are friendly and humane. You have a big heart; you tend to trust people and sympathize with them easily. You intuitively know what they are thinking and feeling. And because you are agreeable and mentally flexible, you go out of your way to make others comfortable and happy. You seek to make intimate, meaningful friendships.

Your empathy and altruism spill over into a desire to make the world a better place. And with your resilience and imagination, your ability to do many things at the same time, your people skills and your command of language, you can be remarkably effective at improving the lives of others.

You are also traditional. You have clear moral values and tend to stick to your point of view. Yet you almost always seek consensus and harmony, and are willing to give up some of your pleasures to build an orderly, harmonious home and family life.

Relating to others:
You tend to be well-adjusted, trusting, compassionate, intuitive and interested in people. And you work to keep your networks intact. You also look in as well as out; you are introspective. And you like probing the meanings of life. So you avoid casual chit-chat. You can be so agreeable that some people may overlook your complex personality.

In relationship:
You are a die-hard romantic, and you must have depth and meaning in your relationships. You like heart-to-heart exchanges that explore personal philosophies, goals, ethical dilemmas, and the meanings behind art, music, poetry or some other abstract topic. You are emotionally expressive and want your partner to share his or her genuine self with you. You also admire people who make plans and schedules. And you are attracted to a mate with a fixed moral compass. Moreover, for you, love must be embedded in a stable long-term relationship beginning with a march down the aisle. Most important, to balance your imaginative and supple spirit, you gravitate to people who know their own mind, make decisions quickly, focus on one thing at a time and can provide a stable home. And you can be very sensitive to your mate, communicating your emotions clearly and tenderly.

The daily stuff...

I was daydreaming...

I would love to have someone to talk to on the sleepless night. Someone in which I can talk about the day, the dreams, the wants, the needs, and everything in between.

I'll share one here:

Been looking at pictures of Niagara Falls and it truly amazes me. I can close my eyes and here the sound of the water. Hopefully this summer I will be making my way out there. Got my fingers crossed.

Advice from a man...

As I was talking to a male friend tonight as I do from time to time for some "man" advice. I was told this:

When a guy yells at you, Heather, remember there is a guy who would love to whisper softly to you.

When a guy makes you cry, Heather, there will be a guy who would love to steal your smiles.

Heather, When a guy humiliates you or insults you, there will be a guy who will love to remind you how wonderful you are.

Most of all Heather, when a guy hurts you, remember there is a guy wishing you to be his, wishing to make love to you, to be there for you.

What a good reminder, I said. Point me to this guy, I said.

My nightmare repeating itself...

Today I was at work in my own world---working away--I didn't talk and I didn't listen--just worked.

I was told today "Heather, I can not work this way. With you not talking. I can not take it." I didn't feel like talking, sharing, or even listening. I just wanted the day to pass as it was "my friday".

Midway through the day my phone goes off. It seems as my first ex-husband located me via Facebook--lucky me. This man has not been a part of my daughters life since shortly after our divorce. Tiana was 1.

His message was short "Let me know how my daughter is."

This brings shivers down my spine.

What do I say to him "She calls another man dad. How are you?"

Don't get me wrong, Tiana knows that who she calls Dad is not her blood Dad, but he is her real Dad. Tiana does not want anything to do with her blood father. We have talked and she has a good head on her shoulders. I don't blame her.

I am thinking that it is time to involve a lawyer to get rights terminated. It shouldn't be that big of a deal; he pays no child support, he hasn't participated in her life since she was 1, and he has done wrong in his life. I am not saying that people can not change---but when it comes to my kids---you better be proving it way before you get the benefit of the doubt.

Tonight is one of those nights where I want my kids close.

The idea...

As I was working today I started to think about does a person want to be with someone or with their idea of that someone?

This is an easy question for me. I will always choose the real person. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly---the whole sha-bang. Many people have a picture or an idea of a person and that can most often lead them to disappointment. I'll always pick truth over fantasy--any and everyday.

I have met way too many people that act on the idea of a person and not the actual person. How sad in my point of view.

I came to realize that some people are just extremely shallow..

Conclusion

I was told by a very wise person that:

"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."

I think you are right.

A Monday Surprise....

I had a pretty rough Mother's Day. I hate to admit this but I spent the majority of the day in tears. I missed my mom and I just felt alone.

Don't get me wrong, my kids were absolutely amazing to me and they made the day fantastic!

I took a long hot bath and a friend called to listen to me cry---bet they wish they wouldn't have afterwards.

Anyway, monday at work this is what I received:



Thank you, it made my day, it was not needed, but a very nice surprise. The people that are in my life are the best---great friends.

A sweet card attached stating "Today will be better--you deserve it!"

Dinner and, um, entertainment....

Yesterday at work I asked a co-worker if they would like to get supper. We always go and eat at the local Mexican restaurant---they have the best queso dip.

Anyway, after they said yes, I text a couple of other friends to see if they wanted to meet us for supper and of course they said agreed too. I went home and was teasing my kids on how I am going out to eat and they are staying home. The pouted, gave me puppy dog eyes, and well they gave me the works---all the dirty guilty tricks they could think of.

I had no intentions of not bringing me kids---I just like to give them a hard time now and again.

So, at the restaurant, I order my normal vegetarian number 4 and a margarita. We all sat around and talked and laughed. It was a great night.

Nothing out of the ordinary---yet!

As we were paying and getting ready to leave a fight breaks out. One man had broke a beer bottle over another ones head and the fists were flying. Blood was scattered all over the area. I asked one of the friends to take my kids outside while I paid.

Of course the man that ran the cash registered was trying to break up the fight---I had front seats to an absolute ridiculous show.

The fight broke out over a female. How silly. The young female started saying to the one man "What are you looking at?" and well her "over jealous" boyfriend broke the beer bottle over the head of the older guy that was enjoying his meal with his wife. This is where it got a bit out of control, as he was knocked down the young woman was standing on his neck while her boyfriend was punching away.

The fight eventually got broken up---but restarted at least 6 times. Why they didn't separate them into different rooms when they were actually separated--I have no idea.

The police show up but the one man who started the fight was taken somewhere by the waiter who mysteriously could not have been found.

I finally state to one of the waiters now that everything is calm can I please pay so I can leave.

Much more than what I bargained for. I dislike fighting---it makes me extremely nervous.

My horoscope for today...

My horoscope for today:

You're pretty happy with what you've got -- except that you want more! It's a weird time to be close to you, as you might be needier than usual, but not quite able to tell people what you need.

Yup, that sounds EXACTLY like me! Every once in awhile they hit the nail on the head.

Yellow-Green Aura

Hmmm...I was told yesterday that I have a yellow-green aura. What does this even mean?

Well, as most know, I love research and so this is what I came up with:

Yellow-Green

This aura color means that the person is a very good communicator and knows how to manage money. If this is your aura color you are persistent in everything you do, enjoy your life and are optimistic about the future. You are proactive and always look at the bright side of life.

You are creative and you can express your feelings perfectly into words.

People who have such aura are also perceived to be powerful and sometimes intimidating.

Me, intimidating? Puh-leeze! However, I do believe that I am a great communicator. I also enjoy life, I am optimistic, and I try hard to see the bright side of any situation in life. I do like to put my feelings into words too.

Hmm... Do aura colors change or are you born with one and it stays the same your entire life? Guess I am going to have to find out.

http://www.personal-development-coach.net/aura-colors.html

Off again, on again, the life of my friends...

:::Sigh:::

What is going on lately?

Friends are fighting. Friends are not talking. Friends are talking about leaving their significant other.

It makes me so sad when two people have a connection and they lose that.

I feel as if I don't have the perfect words to say. So I don't say anything. I listen. I have heard so much lately and it hurts my heart to realize that over something so minute two people decide to call it quits.

:::Sigh:::

It bothers me how quick people are to throw in the towel when things are rough and tough. From the outside looking in; it doesn't look so bad to have someone to come home to, someone to give that kiss to when you pass in the hallway, someone that knows your little quirks and choices you anyway. Sounds pretty good to me.

Now don't get me wrong I do know that there are situations that happen and a relationship should end; however, (no offense) this is not one of them.

I have to stop myself some times and remember that you can love someone so much and just sometimes being in love with that someone isn't anything like you thought it was. I do understand that this sounds contradictory, but even when one person loves another, if that love isn't returned, it really is nothing.

Love, to be that beautiful union that everyone secretly and not so secretly hopes for, needs both to want to love each other. Like I will say many times over and over, love is a lot of work, but at the end of the day when it's just the two of you laying there in bed---isn't it just worth it?

Does size really matter...

Today I got measured for my correct bra size.

I read online quite often and I am always reading that 80% of women wear the incorrect bra size. Unfortunately, I knew I was in this range of people. I tend to try to minimize my breast some.

Anyway, I went and got measured and purchased all new bras (and matching panties) today---in the correct size.

I am excited to see if anyone notices the difference.

Advice

I was talking to one of my only single friends last night. He has been dating a few women in the last couple of months and came to ask me a few questions on the dating world.

I find this humorous---I am the last person to come to for dating advice. Seriously.

As he was spilling his dating history, I listened. I mean I really listened. I related so very much to what he was saying. I found myself being empathetic and than saying to myself I know exactly what you mean.

As the conversation progressed I got the dreaded "Do you have any advice?"

Again, like I have said and will continue to say, I am the very last person to come to for dating advice. I knew I had to say something--anything.

Beings I could relate to what he was telling me means that whatever advice or opinion I give, I better be able to accept myself. Scary.

Guess sometimes you have to take your own advice...

Change, change, and possibly some more change...

Today I enjoyed a great afternoon with a friend. We had an amazing lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and than went shopping.

We laughed, talked, and just enjoyed the day. It was great.

As the afternoon went on I started to think about things that have been bothering me. After realizing that being bothered by these 'things' is not changing anything but me.

I don't want to change me. I like me. I am me. I love being a mom. I say please and thank you. I count ceiling tiles. I love to do research. I play video games. I laugh at cartoons. I value friendships. I desire love. I believe honesty is a must. I am extremely shy at first than let my crazy side be shown. I sleep with the TV on. I listen to my friends. What I am getting at is I have these traits because I want them. I like them. I like me.

So what do you do when there is something in your life that you don't like?

You change it.

It clicked to me today. If you change nothing, than nothing changes.

So with the things in life that bothers me or not giving me the result that I want. I need to change otherwise it will remain the same.

I can say confidently that there will be changes...

Erase Someone

Have you ever wanted to forget someone?

I mean maybe it was someone you had feelings for and it just didn't work out or maybe you felt it was best for the other person or for what ever reason.

How do you erase someone from your thoughts? Do you consume yourself with life? Do you use the "out of sight, out of mind"?

My question really is...does it work? Would you really want it to work?

I do believe it works; however, you can erase someone from your mind, but you can't erase them from your heart.

Your heart can speak in ways that your mind can not understand.

Why do we fear what the heart is saying? Do we even listen?

My next question is what if you tried to erase someone from memory and you ruined something that could have been wonderful?

Isn't that what most of us are looking for? What most of us are wanting? Something wonderful. I think at times we push the things we want away. What I haven't figured out is why.

Any thoughts?

It's been 20 years...

Yesterday I went shopping---not any shopping---bike shopping.

I talked with a co-worker who referred me to the bike shop (mind you it is the only bike shop in town).

Regardless, I am an easy sale. When my mind is set on something I want I usually get it (as long as I can afford to do so).

Anyway, I walk into an old building which kinda smelled on the inside---not quite sure what it smelled of, but there was a distinguished scent. The gentleman quickly asked me what I was looking for and I explained "a bike". He asked me if I had a particular kind in mind and to be honest I had not a clue. I have researched bikes this week and learned about the different types, styles, and modifications, etc.

This gentleman must of seen that I had absolutely no clue. He pulled down a bike and started to explain features, types, styles, and the many other things. He showed me how the gears worked and how to disconnect the brake if needed to take the tire off, he explained different tire sizes and conveniences that are on the bike.

To be honest---I was overwhelmed. I just wanted a bike.

I smiled and listened attentively. I nodded and repeated information back. I asked questions and explained to this gentleman that I haven't been on a bike in 20 years. I asked him--halfway jokingly--if he could put training wheels on. He shot me a look and in which I immediately wanted to take back my comment. He said no.

After about 2 hours listening about differences in bikes I politely interrupted and said "I was sold before I walked into the door---I just don't know what to buy". The gentleman looked at me and said "I don't want you to buy a bike that you are not going to be happy with. Yes, it's great that you want to buy a bike, but I want you to have one you will enjoy'. I smiled and I understood.

After a bit longer I purchased a bike. My first bike since 5th grade. I had no clue on if I could even ride a bike anymore. I explained that I would be back the next day to pick up my new bike.

Today when I got off work I called a friend who owns a truck and asked them to pick me up so we could go and pick up my bike. I have to admit I was really excited. We got to the bike shop and the gentleman brought me out my bike. I noticed that there was things on it that was not on it the day before. He must of seen the obvious confusion on my face as he explained that he added things because he is worried. Even more confused at this point I managed to say it was not necessary and thank you. I mailed the bike shop a thank you card today for thier level of service, knowledge, the additives they deemed necessary, and thier friendliness.

Back to the story--I got home changed out of my work clothes and gathered my kids to go on our first bike ride. The kids were excited and we had a lot of fun. In fact the kids pooped out before I did.

I remembered how to ride a bike--I didn't fall. I did notice that I take some wide turns though. As of now I have a friend that I will go on a bike ride every Tuesday and Thursday and one weekend day--either Saturday or Sunday---whichever it might be.

Needless to say, I am really excited.

1920's

As the day ended at Adventure Land we decided to get an "antique" picture taken. Dalton really wanted to get a picture holding a "Tommy 20" (shown in the family picture) so we ended up posing in the 1920's era. One of my favorites also.

The kids had a great time posing and we have some great memories that happened to be caught on camera.

This picture gave me an idea...